....and the runner is safe at first base!

Oh man. I didn't think we'd get through today.

First of all, due to my anxiety level, I hardly slept at all last night, maybe totaling three hours. I'm a girl who needs her sleep and is in bed most nights, before 10:00pm. I did get up early enough to make everyone a decent breakfast and to motivate Malachy as we got started on our first day of school. We hit the books (computer really) by 8:30.

Secondly, my sinuses have been burning since last Friday. I'm thinking it's allergies as the seasons are changing. I took some allergy medication and that took the edge off although it left me in a fog. As the day progressed, I felt more and more nauseous. I'm pretty sure it's not related to the sinus issue, but mainly out of nerves that have been way out of whack. I felt as if I was hyperventilating as we went through some of his lessons. A part of me knows that this is going to get easier as we press on, but the physical part of me was protesting almost every step of the way.

As Steve was getting ready to leave for work, I noticed we were having issues with the wireless router on our end and no internet connection. I almost had a panic attack but Steve was calm, reset the router and up came the network again. There were no other issues with it, but I wondered how you could get your work done in the event this happened again for a longer period of time knowing that a lot of his studies are online.

Today started with the math assessment testing. He needed to complete that on his own, so I set him up on the computer and tidied up the kitchen, which is right next to the room he was in. He wasn't supposed to ask me any questions or for help (answers) and he didn't. After that test, we went through the Introduction to Online Learning. Then his math workbook and back to another assessment test. We didn't cover all his subjects today, the online French classroom wasn't available and I thought it best that I leave the art, science and history for another day. We did tackle most of the Language Art programs and then he finished the last two assessment tests and we called it a day.

The only time he resisted me at all, was when he was adamant he did NOT want meatloaf for lunch! Other than that, he was a really good trooper. He did complain of a headache throughout most of the day and I gave him some children's Advil for that. But the headache is still there even an hour after he finished his school day. I hesitate to connect it to the computer usage today, as he is on a computer a lot every day. But I am going to make an appointment for an eye test anyway. I sent him outside and he rode his bike out back for a while and then came in saying that driving over the bumps in the back yard were worsening his headache. He's inside right now, enjoying a popsicle as I update this blog.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with his teacher, Mrs. Moore. We have had some correspondence via email and she's been very helpful and encouraging. I look forward to this meeting.

It's been a difficult day for me, probably an 8 on a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being the worst. I still wrestle with thoughts that this is too big for me and worry that he'll fall behind what he is normally capable of accomplishing. And then I read other blogs and see that this is all normal in the beginning. I am honestly looking forward to tomorrow as an easier day.

Breathe.......

Here we go!

Today is the last day of my boy's summer vacation. In reality, it's all of our last days as everyone goes back to their normal roles tomorrow morning. I always seem to be filled with a melancholy mood at the very end of summer and this goes back to my own school years. This year, although not as pronounced as in the past, holds true as well. Looking back over the past three months, we did more this summer than any summer since Malachy's birth. We traveled to the east coast and went camping a few times. We went for day rides and met some friends. We enjoyed time with extended family. Malachy enjoyed three adventurous days at his all-time favorite activity; riding roller coasters at amusement parks. It's been a good, full summer and we are now focusing on the upcoming school year. My role this year is completely different from any one I've held in my past 40 something (ahem) years. I'm going to be Malachy's third grade teacher (well, technically "learning coach"). And I am filled with mixed emotions like you'd never believe!

Everything is all set to go. School books & guides have found a bookshelf and are organized. Desk is supplied with pencils, rulers, tape, stapler, glue, printing paper, construction paper, art supplies and math tools. We've navigated through the online school several times to prepare ourselves for the actual courses. I've looked over the guide books and know my son will have a good year academically. Why am I still having these nagging. self-doubting thoughts? In the past, whenever I have set my mind to something, it has usually worked out well. I know that about myself.

I imagine it's the sheer importance of it all that gives me butterflies. I do realize and appreciate that I have the best, supportive husband in this case. He has patted me on the back through all the little steps we've gone through to get here. I know my son is looking forward to this school year as he told me just the other day he is excited to begin (but didn't want to look at anything early, as if it was cheating).

Perhaps it's not self-doubt, but only pre-game jitters. After all, this is the big leagues and we're in it to win.

Wish us luck!

One Bad Apple......

So today we received the local elementary school calendar and the Back to School flyer. This is the school Malachy attended from kindergarten through second grade and would be going to if we weren't going to homeschool him.

As I was reading the Welcome Back flyer, it triggered a memory of when I was about my son's age.

When I was in first grade, I often saw one of the second grade teachers, Mrs. Roaklin, and thought she was the most beautiful teacher in the school, if not the entire world. She always had perfectly styled blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a smile that shined from ear to ear when I would say hello to her. She looked like a Barbie doll and dressed like one too. Over the summer, I remember wishing and praying that I would get Mrs. Roaklin as my second grade teacher. At the start of that school year, I received my class assignment and realized my wish came true. I was in Mrs. Roaklin's class! I was ecstatic! It wasn't very long before my happy world turned upside down as it was quickly understood that Mrs. Roaklin was a strict, no-nonsense type of teacher. And she didn't put up with anything. There was zero tolerance for talking, for not paying attention, for not completing homework, for not following directions, for laughing.....God help you if she caught you chewing gum or candy. She ran her class like a miniature boot camp, most of the kids paid attention out of an extreme fear. It was there while in second grade that I formally met our principal, Mr. Conte. I had many "meetings" with the principal throughout my elementary school years. Needless to say, I did not particularly care for school until I changed schools and my trouble-making reputation stayed behind.

Fast forward to a year ago: Malachy was entering second grade. During the summer, all he talked about was how he wished he did NOT get Mr. M. Mr. M is one of the few male teachers at the elementary school. He had recess duty throughout the year and his booming voice would carry across the black top. He is also a no-nonsense teacher and a lot of the children are afraid of him. Malachy was afraid of him. If anyone asked Malachy if he was looking forward to second grade, he would just tell them he hoped he did not get Mr. M.

A few days before school started, we went to see the class assignments that were posted in the office window. Lo and behold, Malachy was assigned to Mr. M's class. Maybe it was selfish of us, but at first we thought that the situation was a wee bit comical. Both Steve and I had believed that there is nothing wrong with a little strictness by a teacher. It was obvious, I had forgotten my ordeal with Mrs. Roaklin. This was not even a little bit funny for my son. Mr. M was more than just "a little strict". He was uptight, edgy and overbearing. The last half of Malachy's school year was filled with anticipation every day, as either I or Steve would drop him off at school. Malachy complained of stomach aches and headaches. At the end of the year, I too, felt his dread of going to school and wished there was some way I could save him from his nightmare. In the end, it turned out that I couldn't save him then and perhaps it was meant to be as it was one of the main factors in our decision to homeschool.

With the upcoming school year just a week and a half away, I'm pretty confident he is looking forward to this school year with optimism. Not one negative word has rolled off his tongue about school and/or third grade at all over the summer. Perhaps it's his belief that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. :-D We shall see.......

What was I thinking??

What were WE thinking?

Back in June, when both Steve and I were starting to get really disgusted with the current way California keeps cutting education in the budget, the thought of homeschooling would drift into our thoughts and discussions about our bright, soon to be, third grade son. Neither of us had any previous experience with it. In the past, the idea of the stereotypical home-schooled, socially awkward child would have made us go running in the opposite direction. Screaming even! The current lack of funding has our school district dropping their dedicated PE, science, art, music and library teachers. They had decided that shaving 5 days off the school calendar would save a lot of money. The teachers are expected to increase their class sizes from 20:1 to 30:1. There will be an increase of teachers' furlough days by at least double the amount there are now. Where is the teacher's incentive to teach these kids? The frustration would be obvious and all at the expense of our kids.

Our boy was also having issues with his overly-strict, second grade teacher who increasingly made my boy "the example" in class. In the last half of the year, he began hating school. Some of his fellow students knew he was an easy target and would purposely tattle on him for any and every reason and then of course, leading him into more trouble. He was constantly "flipping cards" (a disciplinary action where they lose privileges, including recess). On the third to last day of school, I witnessed him getting yelled at after recess while waiting in line to go to class. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot watching all the kids jumping, laughing - excited school was to be out soon. I was smiling to myself as I remembered how exciting the last days before summer vacation were to me. I saw many kids throw their lunch boxes in the air, while some were running around. I could see my son standing in line, chatting with a student in front of him. His teacher headed right up to him and I could see that he was waving his finger at him while speaking to him. As I got out of the car to walk over to the line, the teacher took his class away. I watched as my boy followed in line with his head hung low, his shoulders slumped. My heart was crushed. I decided that this was going to be his last day of school for this year.

Minutes later, as school was dismissed and Malachy got into the car, I asked him what happened while he was in line. He told me he got yelled at for talking in line. I told him that I wasn't happy with that. I saw most, if not all the kids were talking. I confided in him that this could be his last day of school if he wanted. He pleaded with me to go on the scheduled last day so he could bring home the Father's Day gift he made for daddy. He missed the next day of school, but attended the last day and brought home the gift.

As summer began, I started openly speaking with a few friends about homeschooling. I spoke to some who had been homeschooling their kids and some who just had an opinion. The idea of homeschooling rapidly started becoming more than just a fantasy to us. Research was easy, there are quite a few options in California. My daughter Kristen, forwarded me information on K12. com. I met with a group of homeschooling moms at a local park, one who also went through K12.com system. Before I left in early July on vacation, we made a decision that we would homeschool through the K12.com program and started the procedure of enrolling him with CAVA (California Virtual Academy).

Malachy and I went to visit Kristen and her kids in North Carolina for a few weeks. When we returned home, we went with daddy and the dogs camping for another week. For obvious reasons, I was avoiding the thought of homeschooling. It seemed incredibly overwhelming, to say the least. I pushed it out of my mind.

And then two very large boxes of curriculum came in one afternoon in early August. It took me almost a full week to open them up. When I finally saw the materials, I felt tears and was choked up. I couldn't believe what we were receiving along with the expected Teacher's Guides and workbooks. The science kit, the art kit with all the paints and brushes, the math kits, it was like Christmas! How can this all be free? And then the computer came with the brand new monitor and printer/scanner. Although the hardware is loaned to us while he is enrolled, everything is brand new and fully supported. He will also learn the French language online. I went through all the teachers guides and made a list of supplies we would need. I put together a class schedule, one that would also balance my need to continue going to the gym a few times a week. Slowly but surely, I was starting to get my groove with the whole homeschooling responsibility.

And then it happened. Amidst all my excitement and joy for the upcoming school year, the boy threw a tantrum today. One big, bad, slam-the-doors-while-screaming-at-me-at-the-top-of-his-lungs, tantrum. All because he didn't want to go to the gym's daycare while I take my regular 1 hour, yoga class. You see, this was part of the agreement we made with him. I HAD to have my few weekly classes at the gym and he HAD to attend the daycare there if he was going to be home-schooled. I had recently upgraded my membership to include the child care. If I don't go to my few classes, I will be with this boy, 24/7 and that's not an easy thought. And I'm not about to give up what little I can get for my own peace of mind and exercise. We're talking 3 hours a week of Bonnie-time, folks!

In the end, I lucked out today. Tomorrow, daddy is taking the three kids to Six Flags/Discovery Kingdom. Threatened with not going, he had calmed down and realized that I WILL be going to my yoga class this afternoon. But what about next time? What will be his currency? Threatening him that he'll be back in public school? Somehow I think it's not going to be as cut and dry as I was hoping it would be with him.

After all, he's still a kid.