Malachy's friend from his previous school, Montana, had a birthday party over the weekend. It was the first time I saw the moms of some of his little friends from that school in a very long time (months and months). It was such a nice visit and made me realize how much I miss seeing them and sharing laughter. In the past, Montana's mom Susan and I shared Room Mom duties in kindergarten and saw each other twice a day for three years. During the summer months, we'd all get together once a week for a park day. Susan moved away last December and we have only been together once since. Life gets in the way.
So here I am, feeling more than a bit isolated and my plate is so full of responsibilities that I can't just abandon. I'm so involved with teaching Malachy, but all my regular chores are starting to pile up. Literally. The dogs are annoying me with their constant barking at everything. The cat is incessantly meowing in the garage (time to go out!). Malachy's need to do cartwheels every five minutes right alongside me is driving me batty. He talks to me in his made up-language or is constantly giving me facts about rollercoasters. I just don't want to deal with any of this today but I know I have made the choice and can't back out of it. There are times I just want to run away (Bonnie fantasy) and be free of everything.
Today is one of those days where I'm wondering "WHAT WAS I THINKING?". I am losing my individuality a little more each day.
Bonnie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It must be hard having so much of your life now wrapped up in your family. It sounds like maybe you need a little more time for yourself every once in a while. I'm rooting for you. You're doing such a great thing for Malachy, and I'm sure he appreciates it. Hang in there.
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