Just saying.....

I have to believe that I grew up in an era that promoted children's imaginations. Of course this was prior to television cable with a zillion and one channels, fast computers, video games, cell phones and texting, Gameboys, iPods, etc. This was a time when kids played with other kids outside, all day "until the street lights come on". Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, we were almost always out there. Playing with the neighborhood kids was the highlight of my childhood. The parents were on board as well and everyone kept their eyes out for all.

Our mothers would send us outside as soon as we were done breakfast, were dressed and our teeth and hair brushed. Or, because there were no fences in our neighborhood, we'd go out as soon as we'd see another kid out in their backyard. Soon at least a half a dozen kids would be playing together, sometimes as many as fifteen kids consisting of many different age groups. Sometimes we'd play school in our carport, or we'd all be riding bikes up and down the street, playing cops and robbers. The older kids would write plays and the younger ones would act them out. There were times we'd make magic shows and charge the adults pennies to come and watch. And they would come! Sometimes a small group of us would play with our Matchbox cars in a large sandbox. Very often, we'd pull out our beloved baby dolls and doll strollers and play house,which was always my favorite activity. We'd sometimes even take picnic lunches through the woods to the beaver dam or walk "The Bumblebee Trail" with the bigger kids in charge. In the dead of the winter, the kids dragged their sleds and toboggans to the neighborhood hill and we'd be sliding until the sky was pink with the sunset. We'd all look out for each other and if memory serves me right, it seems we all got along pretty well.

Nowadays, I have to pull my son off his computer as he could spend hours creating rollercoasters or watching goofy YouTube videos about a crazy, annoying animated orange! He would watch cartoon after cartoon and then play his Wii games until the cows came home if I didn't object. But I do object, and I do force him out to play. But it's not the same. And he is almost always alone.

Once outside, he'll happily swing on his swing set and I watch him from the kitchen window and gasp as his eyes are closed and he makes himself go all crazy and upside down on it. I can only assume he is pretending to be on a rollercoaster. He'll take his bike out and ride around in circles, again sometimes closing his eyes for short moments and screaming as if he's on an amusement ride. He'll round up the two dogs and try to teach them tricks or grab their leashes and walk them around the back yard. But this all tends to be short-lived. When he would come in, he'd want to head right back to the computer.

Since we've started school, I made a rule that there is to be no TV before and during the school day. There is to be no video game playing and no computer usage (except for supervised studies). At first, he had a hard time adjusting to finding alternate things to do with his free time. What I have noticed recently, is that he has been pulling out his toys from his past. Toys that have rarely been used and long-sinced packed away in his closet, like Lego blocks and Tinker Toys. His Matchbox cars, road & street carpet and toy buildings have come out. I see him playing with his Woody doll and making it do gymnastics. And I hear him talking to himself, immersed in his imagination. He's beginning to choose these activities over the computer games.

This is what childhood should be about. Free play. Why is it so rare to see the neighborhood kids out and playing together these days? In our current society, is it easier for a parent to feel secure that their child is tucked away in the next room, hooked on his video game than it is to worry about his personal safety outside? Has it become too difficult in this busy, stressful world for the parents to find time to supervise the kids outside? Is the world that much more dangerous than it was 40 years ago? Childhood health issues, obesity, cyber bullying, gang activity, teen drug and pregnancy, and childhood depression seems to have sky-rocketed since that bygone era.

If I had one wish, I would turn back the clock for my boy. If only he could experience just one weekend day of what we had as kids. I am convinced he'd leave the Gameboy stashed in his dresser, grab a cookie and run outside to join the gang waiting for him on the front step. That would the one kind of gang I'd be happy for him to join!

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. Bill Watterson

Fridays are our social day. In the mornings, I have a dance class with some very lovely ladies. I laugh the entire time as well as exercise. It's what I look forward to each week. Along with the other kids, Malachy watches whatever cartoon is on in the gym's daycare.

On Friday afternoons, we head over to a local park to meet with the other homeschooling families for a few hours of letting loose. The kids run and play and the moms (and sometimes dads) chat and compare notes. This is usually just after lunch, so the actual time we have for lessons in between the two events is a tiny window. Malachy has a great time with Zoe and Perry, and is making more friends each week.

In order to make both events, our Fridays are very loose. We usually get in the essentials. Yesterday, because I also had to run some errands, we were only able to accomplish his french lesson. It was agreed yesterday that we'd play catch up today (Saturday). Daddy is at an all day bicycle event and we had no prior plans. We talked about it yesterday, we talked about it last night before bed. Everyone was on board.

This morning, we slept in until almost 9:00 (a rarity in the home as we are all up at the crack of dawn each morning, and if we aren't, the dogs will make sure we are). The extra sleep felt so good, I felt so well rested. Upon waking, Malachy was cheery and bright. Breakfast was out on the patio since it is an incredibly beautiful morning. Birds are singing, dogs are NOT barking, bunnies are hopping about....ah, life is good!

The joy de vivre was too short-lived. The boy has decided and is adamant that weekends are NOT for studying and he has refused to do any school work. I countered and reminded him that Fridays ARE for school, so Park Day will be out next week. He looks forward to his Park Day as much as I look forward to my dance class. Some colorful mouthing off to me and he's been sent to his room without the privilege of his TV or computer games. He'll be staying in there until he has a change of attitude, even if it takes all day. And while he's quiet now and the house is once again calm, I realize I've been played.

It reminded me of a time when I was very pregnant for him. Steve and I offered Kelley (a freshman at the time) and Winter (in elementary school) to go see the new Harry Potter movie at the theaters if they promised that when we got back, they'd go rake up a certain section of the back yard. Both were very excited and happily agreed. We left and enjoyed the movie and snacks. Upon our return, neither girl was interested in holding up their end of the bargain. We insisted they do their share. Reluctantly they went out with rakes dragging behind them. One sat on the ground, tossing around leaves, while the other bitched and moaned the entire time and went on about how unfair we were.

I thought I had learned my lesson when it comes to kids and compromises. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

To teach is to learn twice. ~Joseph Joubert, Pensées, 1842

One of my all-time favorite field trips during my elementary school years was a full day-trip to explore Strawberry Banke (http://www.strawberybanke.org) in Portsmouth, NH. This is a quaint, little, working museum of one of the authentic colonies in NH, first known as Puddle Dock. I fondly remember it as a few streets of original, renovated homes, store and museum complete with furnishings. The employees dress in costume of that era. You can walk through the different houses and see how people lived and worked in those days. I was only in fourth grade but I was immediately absorbed by the magic of the history during that time. I walked through the houses just absolutely mesmerized, feeling the energy of the past. I became obsessed with that period in American history for many years.

It was then that it was obvious I had a love for history. Throughout my school years, I thrived in my history lessons. During each period of time, I would try to imagine what it was like to live then. Most of my lessons throughout the years took place in America, just only touching on World History. However, even to learn about the ancient past was exciting to me.

I am finding that one of the most rewarding things about homeschooling Malachy, is that I get to relive the passion I have for history. At this point in his history lessons he is studying the end of the Middle Ages and the beginnings of the Renaissance periods. I love reading about the main characters that shaped the world at that time. I had been familiar with some of the important names of this period, but didn't know much (or had forgotten) about what they actually did or accomplished. The art program is tied into the history, so we learn about the art of this same period as well.

Who knew I'd be getting so much out of "his" history/art programs? If Malachy was learning this in a traditional school setting, I would only be getting fragmented bits and pieces of what he's learning. Because of my interest in this particular curriculum and the fact that I get to study alongside of him, I almost feel guilty, as if I'm getting away with "something"! And that "something" is a richer and deeper education for ME!

Now, on the other hand, I don't think it's any secret that math is another story all together, for me. Right now, third grade math is easy-peasy. Just wait a few more years and maybe I can figure out what went wrong for me, where I originally lost my way in mathematics and perhaps teaching him will teach me again too. At least one can hope......

In A Nutshell.

I thought I might share a brief history of our life since Malachy was born up to the present and how we (his parents) changed our lives to ensure he gets a brighter future. I want to also point out that I don't believe for a minute that our way is the right way for everyone. Everyone has different reasons for the way they raise their kids and I'm a firm believer in "to each their own". In our case, I feel fortunate that we've had (created) the right conditions to make it to where we are right now.

It starts out with Steve and I meeting through my friend Janice. She worked with him and would take me to some of her coworkers' events, like picnics and parties. Steve and I hit it off immediately, although we didn't actually start dating for a few more years. We shared a wicked sense of humor and to this day, we still depend on it to get through the rough spots. I was an Executive Assistant and he was a Network Engineer, both of us working in the heart of the Silicon Valley. I came into the relationship with two teenage daughters, he came into it with one five year old daughter.

Despite the fact that our lives were already so full, we had both agreed prior to marriage, that we would love to have another child. We decided to move closer to Steve's family (my family is on the East Coast) as we were becoming a family ourselves. That move put us about an hour and a half to two hours away from where we were working. Due to this move and because of my pregnancy, the long commute to my job was too much so I resigned. Steve continued working in Palo Alto and had a very hellacious commute, often times taking 2 hours to go one way. At the time Malachy was born, my oldest was going away to Vermont to college and my other daughter, was beginning high school. We had decided that I would stay home with him until he was of walking age and we would have him attend his Aunt's highly regarded preschool that was less than 5 miles away. Shortly before Malachy's birth, Steve's uncle died and his Aunt closed down the preschool a few months later.

Not feeling at all secure about sending him to just "anyone", we decided that I would stay home with him. Since our move a year or so earlier, we had tightened our belts as we got used to living on one income with three kids at home (and a big child support payment to his ex). It wasn't easy. We were living in a very small house. Malachy stayed in our room with us for over a year. When Kristen came to live back home, my two girls shared a room and Steve's daughter had the third bedroom. Steve's "office" was in the garage, surrounded by boxes and toys. Freezing cold in the winter and stifling hot in the summer. Not the ideal working environment for him.

About two years later, we moved close by to a bigger house and life opened up a little more for us. The lady across the street ran a daycare and it gave me the incentive to look for a part time position. I got a job working for an attorney nearby. I worked 4 hours per day, Monday through Friday. Malachy was about two years old at this time. He was shy and we thought it might be good for him to be with other kids on a regular basis. However during that six months, the kid caught every cold and flu that was going around. Every week he was sick, from ear infections to pink eye. Stomach flus to head colds. I'd be the one to have to stay home with him, I did not receive sick pay and yet still had to pay the daycare to hold his spot. We also made many trips to the doctor during that time and filled loads of prescriptions. When it came down to it, the money I was making was only going towards his daycare and sick care. The stress during that time became pretty intense, so I quit my job and kept him home.

Around the age of three, I started teaching him his letters and numbers. He caught on really quick. We made little books with words and pictures and he was able to read them and other simple books before he was four years old. I continued with teaching him (working mostly with age appropriate workbooks purchased at Costco) and he was thriving both socially and intellectually. I had also belonged to a playgroup where he was able to socialize with kids around his age.

Steve was working really hard, putting in many hours at work. Because of the rising gas prices, rising bridge tolls and wear/tear on the car, Steve decided that public transportation to/from work would be the route he needed to go to save money. He started taking BART to San Francisco, through Oakland and then connect with the train to Palo Alto. It was a long and grueling commute for him and he wouldn't get home until 10:00pm each night. If Kelley wasn't home, I would have to put Malachy in the Jeep and drive to the local BART station and sit there in the dark often with my sleeping boy until Daddy would come out. It was really all too much for us and I told Steve that we needed to change things once Malachy was ready to start kindergarten. We knew the choices were either Steve find a new job in the area so we could stay in the East Bay where most of his family resided, or make another major move and be closer to his work. The work scenario won out and so we packed up the house after Kelley graduated from High School and moved back down to the Silicon Valley.

Something as simple as the family having dinner together again made a huge difference to all of us. Steve was close enough to work that he was riding his bike to/from work. I had registered Malachy to attend kindergarten at the neighborhood elementary school that coming September. Kelley went off to college and it was now only the three of us living full time in a big house. Steve's daughter visited for four days every other week.

Malachy's experience in kindergarten was a fair one for him. He met some really great friends as I did too. I shared the Room Mom duties with another mom who ended up being a good friend. The kindergarten teacher was young, unorganized and depended too heavily on the help from the two Room Moms and with any other mom who she could wrangle to volunteer their time. About half way through the year, the teacher started throwing guilt trips on us if we couldn't come in on any certain day. She would scream at the kids whose minds were drifting (only in front the two room moms though). Her classroom was so unorganized and messy. Toys, books and games were piled high to the ceilings. Her desk was complete chaos all the time. There was literally "stuff" all over and it was a wonder any of the kids could concentrate at all. With the jump start Malachy had from teaching him at home, he was pretty bored with the pace of learning. When the teacher would have them color the letter of the week, he would scribble all over the paper as if he was three years old. Thankfully, kindergarten was only a half day. I believe for Malachy, the experience for him in kindergarten was mostly a social lesson.

First grade was pretty good for him as he gained much more self-confidence and at the same time, I was toying with going back to work. There was an opportunity to work part time at his school during the recess and lunch period as a supervisor. I jumped on it. I saw first hand what happens to the children during one of the only slices of the day when they are allowed to talk, laugh, run around and just be themselves. For the most part, most kids were just happy to be free and played with abandon. On the other side of things, I also witnessed the bullying that happens, watched the kids that were excluded stand by themselves along the walls of the school. I saw the shy ones watch the bolder ones play without ever having the courage to ask to join in. I saw the girls in cliques push away the ones that they felt didn't "fit in". There were always kids coming to me so sad that they had no one to play with. Life on the playground. I realized it is very hard for a lot of kids. Malachy had a few close friends (mostly girls) that he played with but for the most part, he didn't participate in any competitive games, sticking with what he could do well (skipping rope, hula-hoop, etc). Funny kid!

Then comes second grade. I already wrote in one of my earliest posts about Malachy's experience in second grade so I won't bore you again with those details. You just need to know that it wasn't a good or enriching school year for him. Along with our decision to homeschool Malachy, I realized I would be giving up a lot of my own personal freedoms. Not many morning coffees with the ladies (if any), no heading to the gym when my body and mind felt up to it, no more quick errands, no more spontaneous shopping sprees (more like, window-shopping sprees). No more doctor/dentist appointments alone. No more silence in my head for hours on end. What I do get is is constantly having to push my boy, constantly trying to be creative, motivated, speak with a happy and not frustrated tone. Always having a little one underfoot. It hasn't been an easy decision but as you can see, since the beginning, we've changed and morphed our lives to help him in whatever way we can possibly accomplish that. At this time in his/our lives, it's me staying home and being completely dedicated to homeschooling him.

Without a second income, I may be stuck driving a 16 year old Jeep. We may not be taking annual vacations to tropical destinations. I may have the same, boring wardrobe I've had for years. Some of my dishes have chips on them. We don't have a flashy, flat screen TV and what the heck is blu-ray anyway? I know what I've given up and I know what I've gained. I'm grateful that my husband can support us with his income and mostly, I'm grateful for his support to do this for our son.

After all, I do believe it was Steve who first asked me if I'd ever want another kid, more than a decade ago........

Progress: –noun 1. a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage: the progress of a student toward a degree.

Two and a half weeks into the school year and we are still working on a routine.

Yesterday, we finished up early to attend Park Day with the teachers and other families of CAVA. Steve and I really enjoyed talking to a few of the teachers. They seemed so upbeat and motivated to help. Malachy did not connect with any other kids (he kept looking for Zoe) but played on the playground equipment by himself. They handed out frisbees with the school logo on it and after a game of frisbee with his dad, we left to come home.

This morning, he was upstairs and I thought he was sleeping. I went to wake him up for breakfast and he's watching a TV show. This is twice this week that he's pretended he was sleeping so he could sneak in a quick show or build a roller-coaster on his computer (both no-no's before and during the school day). He came downstairs, had his breakfast and then gave me a hard time about starting the school day (it was already close to 9:00am). He wanted a break after one quick french lesson. Heck no! Then it was time for spelling and then math. He complained during the entire math lesson and fought with me to complete his math worksheet.

I'm tired today and don't have much patience to deal with him. I realize my commitment and I have no choice but to keep after him, pushing ever forward.

It was shortly after I let him outside for a 15 minute break that I read yet another article that a friend posted on Facebook regarding how California is so broke (70+ days without a budget), schools are cutting back classes just to survive, how we are wasting $Millions on "standardized testing" and ancient out of date text books. Although I've heard it many times before, it's a constant (nagging!) reminder that this decision to homeschool is bigger than me. This is for HIS future. He will have to compete with others worldwide once he gets into the job market. He needs the best education that we can give him.

And so on that note, we continue to inch forward in today's lessons. And I look forward to my yoga class tonight for my own balance.

Like a whirlpool, it never ends.....

So this week has been a bit of a roller-coaster ride for us. It started out strong and upbeat but by Wednesday, we pretty much ended with another melt-down. I was very frustrated with the little effort that Malachy seemed to be putting into it and his refusal to even try certain things. Yesterday (Thursday), I thought of a brilliant idea! I was going to have Steve come home from work, we would eat dinner and then he could teach Malachy one subject. Just for one day. Originally it was going to be science (Steve is an engineer and I thought that this might be not only cool for Malachy, but cool for him as well), however we were missing something we needed for our science project. So, he decided to give History a shot.

I struggled with not interrupting them and having to show Steve that this is how "I" do things, teach, relate to Malachy, etc. I made myself stay in the kitchen and keep out of it. That was really hard for me to do. I continued to clean up the kitchen and just "listen".

In history, Malachy is now beginning a chapter on the Renaissance. Up until now, he was learning directions, mapping, etc and has done very well but this new subject threw him for a loop. He refused to cooperate with Steve. He ran to the sofa, covered his head with the pillow and cried. Obviously, starting something late in the day was a bad idea. Having Steve start out teaching him something for the first time as deep and complicated as the Renaissance was a bad idea. First I consoled Steve and thanked him for his attempt and then I consoled Malachy. I made him read out loud to me the first two chapters of Flat Stanley and called it a night.

Steve got first hand experience of the frustration I've been feeling at times with our decision to home-school. He too wondered if we made the right choice.

But I'm stubborn (and Steve knows that). We are not going to fail at this. I won't let it happen.

In his old school, they use a disciplinary tool called "flipping cards" or "pulling cards". Basically, there are three colored cards; yellow, orange and red X. If the child does not listen, does not follow rules, talks out of turn, whatever it is, they start with the yellow card and go forward through the colors. A red X can mean a call home, a lost recess, extra work - it depended on the teacher.

Steve and I were discussing disciplinary actions in Malachy's home-school day and we decided that we would focus on the good things, NOT the bad things (well, we'd try to anyway). So I went to the store and picked up some colored reward stars. I told Malachy that if we have a school day with no yelling and he gives all his attention and effort to the school day, he would get to put a star on the calendar for that day. Ten stars equal lunch out. He asked if it could be Taco Bell (ugh) and I told him it would be his choice. He had a look of determination that only the lure of junk-food can bring.

Today was a gold star day. We breezed through every subject with no problems, including that first Renaissance lesson. He wrote full sentences in his literature notebook without complaining. He went through two french lessons (he's really enjoying learning french). He aced his spelling test. It's just been a really, good, easy, low-stress type of day.

The only problem now is that we are nine stars away from a lunch date with the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Arrrf-arrrrf!

And we're rolling, rolling, rolling on the river.

Summer vacation 2010 has officially ended. Labor Day weekend has now come and gone. Most children have begun their school year, whether at home or in a traditional setting. And Malachy and I are starting to get our home-schooling groove on.

Today we were all up early, enjoyed a rare and harmonious breakfast before Steve had to cycle off to work. The three of us actually sat together and ate before school/work! In the past, our mornings were filled with so much tension and stress as I would be frantically running around, slapping lunches together, prompting Malachy to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, comb his mop, gather his school supplies, backpack, sweater, jacket........ and then off he'd go with Steve driving to the neighborhood Elementary school. By the time I would hear the Jeep leave the driveway, I felt like my blood pressure would hit the roof. Today was surreal.

As Steve was kissing us goodbye, we were logging onto Malachy's french language program. There was a small hitch in the recording function of the program, but without missing a beat, we went to the kitchen to start with his math (in other words, I didn't freak out!). Using the math tools that CAVA sent us, Malachy was able to breeze through the lesson and I could see he was quite enjoying himself. Malachy is an excellent speller and today's spelling class was easy-peasy for him and we completed two spelling lessons in about the same time as one lesson should take. We then moved onto Language Arts. We enjoyed a nice, lentil soup for lunch that I had on the stove all morning. We had a pleasant conversation while we ate and then he went outside to swing and ran around with the dogs for about half an hour. I tidied up the kitchen, and prepared for our afternoon lessons. We finished a little before the neighborhood school ended their day and yet I felt we covered so much. It truly went remarkably well today. I can see the shape of our lives changing already in this short time.

I think I'm getting it.....

TGIF!

Whew! Friday afternoon is here and the weight of the world is off my shoulders.

Every Friday is park day. Just after lunch, Malachy and I met up with an existing group of homeschoolers in the tri-city area in which we live. I have been friends with one of the moms for a few years and she invited us to join them. They meet up every week (sometimes more), at different community parks and this month's featured park happens to be our neighborhood park. I'd say about six moms (and one dad) were there, but the group consists of about 50 members (and their kids). They also get together for different events throughout the year.

I feel sooooo much better after speaking with the moms (and one dad!) regarding their typical homeschooling day. What I primarily learned is that we are doing too much. I have been frantically trying to follow CAVA's (California Virtual Academy) suggested daily schedule. At the rate we have been going this particular first week of school, our projected end date for this school year is sometime in late April! Hehehe. Some of these moms say they spend an average of three hours a day on the actual curriculum but integrate their everyday life towards their learning program. Okay, so this gives me some breathing room (as I'm sure it does for my boy too!). Time to put the whip away! Hardy-har-har.

Malachy had a great time at the park. One of the girls attending today's park day went to the same gymnastics academy as he. Her name is Zoe and they're the same age. While at the academy, they were both so shy, they barely spoke to each other. However today he went right up to her, said hello and off they went to play the entire time. A bunch of other kids trickled in over the next few hours. I would look over to check on him and there he was, playing with the group, laughing the entire time. I am so proud and happy (and relieved), because this boy typically is painfully shy.

After a difficult first week, with the roller coaster ride of wondering if we made the right choice to homeschool, today's meeting at the park set me straight. This is right for my son. This will work for us. I no longer have a doubt. And I am happy!

:-)

Down, down, down the rabbit hole she fell.

Day three. It sure has been a doozy.

Day two seemed to flow quite easily, although we didn't get to all the lessons as we had an early afternoon meeting with his teacher. We did establish that the office upstairs (with the great, big whiteboard) would be where we conduct his spelling lessons. He has a little table and chair set that is set up in front of the white board. When we do any reading, we sit on a love seat which had been moved in front of a sunny window (shaded with sheer curtains to aid in the distraction factor) just for this reason. We do all workbook pages at the kitchen table and of course, any computer work is done on his new desk set up located in a quiet corner. Everything we need is handy in each area so we're not scrambling around looking for materials. If I had a checkbox next to "Organized", it would be checked.

Please note that the invisible checkbox next to "Student's Attention/behavior" is not checked. Slowly but surely, Malachy's behavior has started on a huge spiral downwards and has been quickly picking up speed. He's always been very headstrong, but mostly we've been able to work with him and get him to understand certain rules. Lately, not so much.

Taking him to meet with his teacher yesterday was an embarrassment to me. I listed my expectations of him before we got there. He said he understood. He would sit quietly. Be polite. Speak loudly enough for her to hear. You know, the typical mom spew......We get to the meeting place, Mrs. Moore is sitting down at a little table already and I introduce us. I sit down and motion for him to sit down on the chair left for him. He told me several times that "he prefers to sit on this little wall behind me". Uh, right! I warned him (several times) that he would not use his Wii if he didn't sit down. He sits down. He proceeds to kick my chair. Leans back. Sighs in boredom. Stands (Yes, I said STANDS!) up on the chair (we are outside a restaurant here...). I was thoroughly embarrassed at his shockingly rude behavior.

Lately, if he doesn't get his way, he yells and screams like a male, silverback gorilla beating his chest trying to intimidate me or his dad. Of course it doesn't work, we just get louder than him and it proceeds to sound like a jungle at home complete with all the animal hoots and hollering and he typically just ends up in his room, punished. As you can imagine, this is not working well.

Day three of homeschooling starts. He got up a half hour early because I told him that since it was supposed to be really hot out, if we started early we could swim later in the afternoon. I initially thought "okay, we're off to a good start". When the time came for him to start working, he argued with me about which chair he would sit on (he doesn't get the computer chair because he's been sitting on it backward, tipping it, or constantly spinning it in circles). He didn't want to do his math, but do some games instead. Today's math lesson with him made a root canal feel like vacation time in comparison. It just seemed to get worse as the morning went on so I took a break and told him that I needed to throw in a load of laundry. He shuts off the computer while I'm in the garage. You could say I was pretty upset when I saw that he did that and warned him that everything that we did today could be lost and we'd have to start all over. And then I tried to get onto the internet and there was no connection. Maybe I have been a little tightly wound myself but I completely lost it at that point. It was my turn to be the gorilla!

I yelled (technically, I roared) and told him that I can no longer do this! I shouted that I'm giving up EVERYTHING to sit with a boy who has been showing very little interest in learning and zero respect for me. I threatened to call the principal and get him registered at the neighborhood elementary school immediately. I told him it would be easier for me to get a job outside of the home, put him in after-school daycare and have him deal with that. I was doing this for him and his education but it seems all in vain. Blah, blah, blah...yell...yell...yell.....finally, it hit him. (Not me, the reality hit him!) I told him to go to his room until I could figure out what to do.

He cried and begged me to reconsider and went up to his room.

He didn't know that I sat at that computer and cried and again wondered if this was a bad decision. I really want this to be a success however, I don't want him to think that just because he is at home with me, he's not going to do any school work or worse, dictate to me how it's going to be or what we will be doing. Of course, that's just not going to happen and he has to have that clear now.

Still, all was now very quiet in the house.

I rebooted the router and it kicked back up. We were online once again, with no loss of the morning's work. I figured he needed some time alone in his room (no computer games/tv) to really consider what I threatened him with, and then I took a shower. I needed some calming down myself and to also consider my threats to him and how far I was ready to take them.

About a half hour later, I called him downstairs and we sat side by side on the love seat and had a clear discussion about my expectations of him and how I don't see him taking this homeschooling business or me seriously. He apologized, swore he will try, and seemed quite contrite. And then I hugged him and he hugged me back.

The energy in the house felt so much better.

The rest of the lessons today went well, with him giving all his attention to what we were working on with sincerity. I'm signing off now as I promised him a dip in the pool this afternoon. I'm also going to recharge my batteries with an intense yoga workout later on.

Although, I have heard, liquor is quicker! KIDDING!