A non-eventful kind of day....

The San Francisco gloomy weather has arrived. The sun didn't peek out all day, we just sat in a heap of chilly, December fog.

This morning we started out on time with our studies, but only got 1/2 way through before my motivation took a major nose-dive. I just didn't feel like doing any more school work. Not that the boy was giving me a hard time, I just have a big case of the blahs. And not that I had a bunch of other exciting things to do either, I pretty much only did minimal housework on the side. I guess maybe I'm more than a little bored with the status quo around here and need some changes.

In fact, this posting is pretty boring too. And I'm sorry about that. I'm hoping tomorrow I can get back into the groove of things. A good night's sleep does wonders for me.

The Silver Lining.

Well I feel better.

Today at "Park Day", I met a new mom to the area. She's been homeschooling four kids for six years. Yes, I said four kids and yes, I said six years. Now, SHE deserves a medal! We talked about our past week and I shared that I had a pretty difficult one with my son. He's been whiny, he's been obstinate, he's been distracted, he's been needy, he's always hungry and I just need a break from being with him 24/7. When I told her that I was threatening him to send him back to regular school after the Winter break, she said she was relieved that she wasn't the only one that has been having issues and at times, questions her commitment. Wow. I am relieved to know I'm not the only one.

We laughed and made light of the situation with our kids. And a fairly difficult week, ends on a humorous note. Thank you Amy and welcome to the Bay Area.

The Freshman Fifteen

I'm disappointed.

Fall 2009, I had enthusiastically joined the local gym, mostly because of the wonderful classes they were offering and also, to give me the incentive to lose some of that lovely, extra weight that had been slowly creeping up over the past few years. I had been happily going to the gym, attending classes or working out on the machines, almost every day. By the time last Spring rolled around, I lost 15 pounds and felt MAW-VELOUS! I pulled out my smaller clothes that had been boxed away for a few years and was in much better health, as I also battle with high glucose levels and over the past two years, high blood pressure. Some of the women in the classes have become supportive friends that I enjoy seeing several times each week and I absolutely adore my dance/yoga teacher. Everything about the gym has been positive. Well, except for yesterday, when I decided (after avoiding altogether) to stand on the dreaded, fancy scale in the women's locker room. Bleh.

Since Malachy's summer break started last June and especially since home-schooling had begun in late August, I am ashamed to admit that I have gained nearly every, stinking, ugly pound back. I have become much less active, using the gym much less frequently than I did last year at this time. During the day time, we are busy with our heads in the books and working on the computer so that by the time the afternoon comes along, I am too exhausted to work out. Last year, I was taking the dogs for walks in the hills, every few days, and now they too suffer. My clothes are feeling tight and uncomfortable and I am always feeling tired and sluggish. I can relate to that young adult whose life has changed so much during that first year away at college, including that inevitable weight gain.

Facing the facts, I woke up on this rainy Saturday with a determination I haven't felt since last Fall. I reopened my Livestrong/MyPlate account and I am going to start counting calories again and registering my daily fitness. Yes, I know, we are right smack in the beginning of the holiday/Christmas season and I will be bombarded with good food and sweets every where I turn. But I know myself and I know how stubborn I am. When I make up my mind, it's going to happen. And in this case, it's a good thing.

The boy and I, WILL be taking the dogs on walks through the hills (his physical education) on weekdays, whether he likes it or not. I WILL be flexible to adjust some of his daily classes so I can get on the cardio-machines more during the weekdays when I'm not feeling so wiped out. I will make smarter food choices. Hey, is that the theme from Rocky going around in my head right now?

That's it! The Freshman Fifteen and I are at battle and I know who is going to win this war! Welcome back determination!

:-)

PS. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Giving Thanks.

Here we are, one week before Thanksgiving 2010, the start of the frenzied, Holiday season. This is the time of year when I am most homesick for my home state, (New Hampshire) and my very large, extended family who mostly still all live there. And although most of Steve's family live in this area near where we live, the celebrations of the holidays are just not the same as the traditions I grew up with and raised my daughters in. Nor is the local weather. It's kind of difficult for me to imagine Christmas lights strung around palm trees and soft, warm days in the 60s and 70s as part of the holiday season. And celebrating Christmas has become a no-no in the public schools, at least around here. I do understand why, but it takes away some more of the magic of the holiday season for the kids.

I can fondly remember layers of woolen clothing that had to be peeled off in the crowded hallways before school started. Jacket, boots, snow-pants, mittens, hats, scarves...all wet with little chunks of snow stuck to them. Before recess, the teachers would assist some of us that had a harder time putting back on all that snow gear and we'd go outside for a quick dash in the snow. They'd be kids lined up and sliding on their bottoms down the little embankments, rolling snowmen on the field (and even tossing a few at each other before the teacher on yard duty would catch you), or just making squiggly trails in the freshly fallen snow while chasing each other. And although we were probably shivering with cold and cheeks as red as apples, and our clothing soaking wet, most of us LOVED it!

Every classroom had their own Christmas tree and the students would decorate it with colored, paper chains and popcorn. We'd make hanging paper lanterns in the traditional red and green colors of Christmas and beautiful, original snowflakes were stapled to all the walls. There was always a holiday concert and a Christmas play that the entire school participated in. Santa Claus would even make his hurried appearance before having to run back to the North Pole for his final touches. The excitement in the air was so electric you could feel it as you walked onto school grounds. On the last day before break, the children would have a present exchange. More often than not, I walked away with a book of festive Lifesavers candy that I would probably finish within two days.

Living in the San Francisco bay area with the large diversity of cultures and religions, I am in complete awareness and understanding why the schools won't focus on Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and/or the many other holidays that different families around the world celebrate. I'm just saying, it's different now. But, I know for my son, he has no clue what he missed out on. He's only been in snow once, in 2005. We went back to New Hampshire for two weeks during the holidays. And boy, they sure know how to decorate and celebrate Christmas back there! Malachy was only three years old at the time and I know he barely remembers it. My two daughters were older when we moved to California and are lucky to have memories of the snow and the local traditions. However on the other hand, when we did move to California, being able to use your roller skates outside on Christmas day, push your new baby doll in the new stroller, or ride your new Christmas scooter because it was warm and sunny out, was a fresh and novel experience for all of us.

Since before Malachy was born, I have struggled with creating our own traditions as I am still under the magic spell of my childhood memories of what the holidays are "supposed" to be like. But what I have been blind to and what has just come to light very recently, has been the fact that whatever we've been doing all along, ARE the traditions he will grow up to remember and try to pass onto his kids. This epiphany has given me glimpses of excitement, rather than dread for the upcoming weeks. Having him home-schooled, especially during the holiday season, puts me in charge of how we'll celebrate and what we'll participate in. My house, my rules! Truly, this is the beauty of homeschooling and I'm very thankful to have this opportunity to do so.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.......

So this has been, for the most part an uneventful week. This is a good thing, compared to life lately.

On Wednesday, Steve insisted on going back to work, as he is feeling a lot better. Malachy has been chugging along at a good pace with his studies. Yesterday, Veteran's Day, was a school vacation day, however we pushed a little further in History and Art, as those were the two subjects that were lagging a bit in progress. Things were going along just fine, UNTIL.....

this morning's dance class. Since our first meltdown back in late August (with attending the gym's daycare) and my advising him that he'd be going back to his neighborhood school if he continued to give me a hard time about going, things have gone surprisingly well there. Despite the fact that most of the children that attend the daycare are babies and toddlers, he has actually met a few kids around his age that come regularly. One boy's name is Roman and they are usually together for the Friday morning dance class. There have been no issues for weeks, until today.

Into the daycare, walk two brothers, age 8 and 4, complete with bad attitudes. Malachy and Roman had been playing in a corner of the daycare, pretending to be characters from the video game, "Donkey Kong". Bad boy #1 asked them what game they were playing, to which Malachy replied "Donkey Kong". Bad boy #2, laughed at them and told them that was a stupid game and that's when the trouble began. Bad boy #2 continued to call them babies and other names and pretended to throw things at them. Meanwhile, the daycare teacher has a baby in her arms and a toddler hanging onto her leg. Malachy got really upset then, too upset actually, and went to the daycare teacher and angrily told her to put the two boys in time out. And of course, she wasn't taking orders from an 8 year old at that time, and just told them all to behave. Bad boy #1 continued to tease the other two, which caused Malachy to show his gorilla side and went off on him, screaming. At this point, the front desk attendant interrupted my dance class and pulled me out to tell me I was wanted in the daycare. Oh yippee! I walk over and there is Malachy crying, his face as red as a beet and he yelled to me as I was just opening the door to go in, "These boys are teasing me and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!". I asked the teacher what was going on and she replied with a question, "Does he have a bit of a bad temper?". Thrown off balance by not really knowing what was going on, I gathered my things, grabbed my boy and we went home.

I calmed him down and after hearing his side of the story, I realized he is 1)overly sensitive , 2) overreacting, 3) not equipped with the right things to say or do when teased. I've seen this happen with him before. The truth is, I know where he gets this from.

Growing up, we were never allowed to talk back, never allowed to get into a confrontation, or to ever question authority. Pretty much, I was a very submissive little girl that grew into a compliant young lady, always bending over backwards to please. Its only in my forties that I have had the courage to stand up for myself with others. I don't want this for my boy. I want him to have a back-bone and stand up to bullies, or have thicker skin so they don't even begin to bother him. I can't always be with him (although lately it seems this is the deal), he needs the right skills to do this for himself. So over the coming weekend, I am going to research ways on how to deal with bullies. I figure we'll do some role playing and hopefully, he'll learn that he can protect himself in ways without blowing a gasket and/or getting in trouble with those in authority.

And maybe I'll learn a thing or two too. So look out, bullies! HERE WE COME!

The Internet Is Magic!

Having Steve home due to his accident/surgery, has surprisingly enabled me to do a few things that I normally don't have the time for as he's been helping with the homeschooling. For example, this morning I researched who has been reading this humble, little blog. It put a big smile on my face this morning to see that my original, written word has made it all the way from the United States to the United Arab Emirates. From Canada to Argentina, from the United Kingdom to Slovenia, Denmark, Iran, Germany and Russia!

And with my words, I hope that I have given insight as to what my little, American family struggles with, and hopes for, and in the end, laughs about. In my heart, I know that all of us humans are connected in this brief journey we share on Earth. We all want the same things for our children, in whatever form it comes in, where ever we may reside. Whether it be a decent education, memories of a great childhood, an extended caring and loving family, prosperity, freedom from war and disease; these are universal desires.

The internet has made us a smaller world with so much more in common than anyone ever realized before. And it thrills me to no end to be a tiny speck in it.

Thank you.

They never listen; large or small.....

So this has been quite the interesting week. Last Friday, Steve told me he wanted to go mountain biking with a neighbor on Saturday morning into the early afternoon. Seeing that we had an early Halloween party that particular day, I asked him not to go (he always comes home later than he says he will). He promised me he would be home in plenty of time to dress up in costume and go. Reluctantly, I agreed that he could go.

Saturday morning I got up early as I needed to get Layla's nails clipped at the shop. I also needed to run to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients to bake some festive cupcakes that I intended to bring to the party. When we got home, I started baking the cupcakes and organizing our costumes. We were going to be a caveman couple and Malachy was the Grim Reaper. Lovely mix...

Just before noon, I could hear the phone ringing. I thought to myself, please let this be Steve so I know he'll be home in time for the party. He usually calls me as he's leaving from his ride to come home. Because the phone was upstairs and these bones are getting too old to run upstars as fast as I once could, I missed the call. Caller ID said it was from Steve. So I listened to the message he left for me.

Stuart was now on the Dumbarton Bridge, driving him to the emergency room as he crashed on the trails and he believed he broke his collarbone. He told me that his bone was sticking up, out of his shoulder area. Gross. So I shut off the oven, called to Malachy and we met him there. A few hours and a bunch of x-rays later, we discovered that he did not have any fractures, but he did have a serious separation. They sent him home to ice it, along with some handy-dandy pain medicine and told him to call the orthopedic doctor on Monday when they are open for the week.

Oh yes, it gets better....

On Monday, Steve went to the doctor. The doctor told him that he needed surgery in order for them to bring the shoulder joint and his clavicle back to where they should be. He was scheduled for late in the day on Tuesday.

Monday, we got the bare necessities completed during homeschooling. Tuesday, I tried to push a little more, since it helped take our minds off of the upcoming surgical procedure.

Steve went into surgery at 5:00 and was home by 9:00 in the evening. The surgery went well, but he had a terrible reaction to the anesthesia. The pain meds knocked him out that evening and he got some sleep, however, I got very little.

Wednesday, Malachy was really dragging his feet with his school work. We started late, he had too many breaks as I needed to attend to Steve often, and then we ended the school day fairly late as well. Knowing that Steve has to be home for two weeks to recover, I really wondered how I was going to be able to juggle the school work and now the nursing duties as well as everything else I had to get done.

Last night, I again tossed and turned. Couldn't sleep and when I did, I had strange and upsetting dreams. I woke up soaking wet and shivering from sweating. This morning, I woke up to lower back pain, the same pain that comes and goes and that which I have been been struggling with for a long time. I couldn't sit very well or for any amount of time in the computer chair. I took some Alieve and went along my merry way.

After taking care of dog and bunny responsibilities, starting laundry, changing sheets, cooking breakfast, getting Malachy's school day organized and then straightening the living room (which has become Steve's hospital room) all before 9:00am, I was getting a little cranky. Just a little! So Steve said he would help me with cleaning. The guy is wearing a sling and can't hardly move his body, what the heck did he think he would be able to help me with? But I had a better and a brilliant idea!!

Today for school, Malachy had a substitute teacher. His name is Mr. Saeedi. He went through all Malachy's subjects with him, with the exception of his Literature which I can help him with after lunch. And I got to even lie down for a half hour to rest my back. I'm feeling better already.

Maybe having Mr. Saeedi home for two weeks, won't be so difficult after all. Steve may not be able to use a vacuum cleaner for some time, or mow the lawn, or continue with his dedicated poop-patrol, but I have a feeling he can still be very valuable to both me and the boy. I told him that you don't need two arms to help a boy with his education. Just a lot of patience and a sense of humor, can go very far.

Luciano Pavarotti he is not.

So far today, my boy has decided to answer everything I ask him, singing in opera. Math questions, spelling words and language skills, so far, all in opera.

At least this tells me he is in a good mood and I will allow him to continue this way even though it is wearing out my very last nerve.

And to my rescue is my yoga class this afternoon. Man, I am SO looking forward to the peace of mind it brings me.

I need a Secret Garden!

I'm feeling really frustrated on this Friday evening. The dogs have been a PITA since we returned from camping on Tuesday. Barking constantly outside and inside, which of course, is a total distraction when it comes to trying to teach Malachy something. I bring them in, they bark to the outside world. Outside, they bark at everything and anything and to come in.

Malachy has also been giving me a hard time this week. Two, large temper tantrums this morning over a simple spelling lesson, caused him to lose the privilege of attending Park Day with his new friends this afternoon. Later on after we were finished with school, he went out to play out back on his swing-set. Through the kitchen window, I saw him spraying the camper with the hose so I called him in. When I went out to check the camper, I found out that he pried open the door and pulled things out (we had just cleaned it thoroughly and winterized it). He sprayed said camper with the garden hose inside some vents, which I still don't know if and how much damage that caused as I'm still waiting for Steve to get home so we can decide if we need to pop up the entire thing. And then the dogs were also "mysteriously" soaking wet when I went out there. It's just been one of those craptastic days where you wished you never got up out of bed in the morning.

The boy has had his dinner and now is confined to his bedroom for the evening. I've had enough of dealing with him today.

This is where it gets really hard to deal with the whole homeschooling bit. I'm with him WAAAAY too much. I have realized that being home all the time, I've become much more inactive. I feel sluggish all the time now. I used to take the dogs for walks through the Coyote Hills. Forcing him to go with me would be worse than having dental surgery without Novocain. I have to depend on availability of the Gym's daycare and their quickly filled reservation limits and short hours to attend my classes. This week, the gym had an "emergency" and wasn't taking any reservations at all. I missed THREE of my classes this week and I'm feeling quite PO'd about it. Steve is gone most evenings until after 7:00, which really puts a damper on my workout plans. And lately I've been so exhausted by then that I just want to wind down and go to bed.

Taking Malachy on errands this week has been quite tiresome as well. He doesn't stop talking. The boy cannot stop asking questions that I can't possibly know the answer of. "What is the largest castle in the world?", "Not sure Malachy, we can google it later". "How many rooms does the Windsor Castle have". "Not sure, Malachy. We can google it later". "How many square feet do you think the Windsor Castle has?". "I'm not sure, Malachy. We can google it later." "How many people live in the Windsor Castle?"."What if someone built a long, long mansion covering the tops of the Fremont Hills? How many rooms would that have?". AaaaAAAaaaah!

Being banned to his room for the night, he's finally quiet, I can still hear Layla barking non-stop at the airplanes coming into Oakland Airport (sorry neighbors) and wanting to come in and I just need some ME time. No kids, no dogs...just want to be alone in my head for a time. Steve won't be home until 7:00 - 7:30 and at this point, I'm already too drained to go work out. What the hell was I thinking? Calgon couldn't even help, unless I wear earplugs and lock the door. (Hmmm...now there's an idea!)

Let's hope Steve remembers to bring home the wine.

Big Sur Academy?

Our first attempt at "off-campus" homeschooling wasn't what I had hoped it would be.

We decided to take a two night camping trip down the California coast to an area called Big Sur, leaving this past Sunday morning. To those of you not familiar with Big Sur, it is truly one of the most spectacular and famous, scenic areas along the entire California coastline. Scary too (especially for those of US who have a fear of heights), as some of the roads wind above the rocky cliffs that drop hundreds of feet straight down to the crashing seashore.

Our departure on Sunday had us driving in pouring rain, the first rain of the fall season. I drove the Jeep which pulls the camper because Steve sits in the back to "help out" our forever, car-sick dog, Chloe (he catches her multiple vomit sessions in a bag, he's gotten really good at the timing). Needless to say (but I will), my nerves were absolutely shot by the time we got there.

We arrived at the campsite by noon and had to set up the tent trailer in the pouring rain, but luckily we were somewhat sheltered under the majestic coastal redwood trees. After we popped it up, cleaned up the mud that soon covered the linoleum floor, we were able to appreciate where we found ourselves. Our site was by far, the best one in the campground, as our door opened up right to the shoreline of the crystal-clear, Big Sur River (large rocky stream). The aroma of the dense, wet forest was everything we were hoping for to calm our busy, city dwelling nervous systems. The rain completely stopped by 2:00 pm, the sun came out and we fired up the grill for lunch.

As we were researching campgrounds, among other great amenities, this campground/resort boasted wifi availability as most campgrounds now offer. I figured that we would do our lessons early in the morning and head out to explore the area in the afternoons. We had brought everything we needed for two days of homeschooling for the boy.

After lunch, Steve walked over to the campground office to get the wireless info. He returned with bad news. The campground itself did NOT have wifi, however the restaurant on the grounds did. Ger-rate! What kid is going to be focused in a restaurant atmosphere? In reality, probably zero to none. And I certainly didn't want to sit in a restaurant and go through his lessons.

Thankfully, I packed a few testing workbooks for literature which didn't need the computer. I brought his math books, so we were able to work off-line and review some of his recent math lessons. I tried to throw a little of science (he's learning "ecosystems" in science) into our river-side play. He read his book each night before bed.

All and all, the actual "homeschooling" was not a complete wash, but only a disappointment as we now need to catch up with some of his skipped lessons over the few days left of this week. All was not lost as I learned my own lesson in the future to ASK if wifi is available at the campsite itself.

The camper is now being packed away for the winter months. This will give up ample time to find THE perfect spot that will allow us to cover all we need to school-wise and still have the experience of being cuddled by the glorious arms of Mother Nature.

What? Aren't the banks and Post Office closed?

Well today had an interesting start. For weeks now, I've had on Malachy's calendar that today was a school holiday (Columbus Day). Steve's daughter spent the weekend with us and had no school today as well, although she lives in a different city. However, a neighbor whose children go to the local school here, told Steve that there was school in Fremont. I thought that was strange.

Upon awakening this morning, I decided to log into Malachy's online school just to double check. The school was logging attendance. I shot off a quick email to his teacher to see if today was a school day or a holiday. She informed me that it was indeed a school day. I looked back at the scheduled days off and noticed that it's 11/11 that he has off, not today which happens to be 10/11. Gerrrr-ate! Now to break the news to my boy who was still lounging around in bed, watching an iCarly repeat.

After a brief bout of verbal disappointment (fancy way of saying he threw a little tantrum), he had his breakfast and we settled in at his desk to begin the day. I figured I would keep it easy today since I am the one that initially screwed up.

We went through his French class, spelling class and math. We also did his language arts. Then we took a break, had some Halloween costume shopping to do (fun, fun!) and enjoyed a rare lunch out to celebrate his ten star days. We came home, put away the shopping bags and are finishing up on the last of his classes today.

In the end, not too bad of a day, both school and personal. Phew! That was a close call!

My gratitude to you.

Because of my last, desperate-sounding post, I received a tremendous amount of support and I am so grateful for the lift it gave me. I wrote the post Tuesday morning and by Wednesday, because of the kind words and helpful advice I received, I felt so much better. So thank you to all of you who continue to support me on this crazy journey of mine to help educate my precious boy.

Today, being Thursday, is usually our "cram-in" day. I like to push a little harder on Thursdays so we can ease up on things for our Friday Park Day. Yesterday and today have been moving so easily because Malachy has had such a great attitude. It's barely one o'clock and we're almost done for the day.

What I'm finding out, is that it's not going to be perfect every day or every week. I just need to hang in there, take a break if I need to, and know that it WILL get better. (BREATHE!) Yet during my good days, I have to know that there is a very good chance that it will not be the same tomorrow. And I suppose, all in all, it's the way life goes.

Namaste.

Where's the escape hatch?

Irritability is setting in.

Malachy's friend from his previous school, Montana, had a birthday party over the weekend. It was the first time I saw the moms of some of his little friends from that school in a very long time (months and months). It was such a nice visit and made me realize how much I miss seeing them and sharing laughter. In the past, Montana's mom Susan and I shared Room Mom duties in kindergarten and saw each other twice a day for three years. During the summer months, we'd all get together once a week for a park day. Susan moved away last December and we have only been together once since. Life gets in the way.

So here I am, feeling more than a bit isolated and my plate is so full of responsibilities that I can't just abandon. I'm so involved with teaching Malachy, but all my regular chores are starting to pile up. Literally. The dogs are annoying me with their constant barking at everything. The cat is incessantly meowing in the garage (time to go out!). Malachy's need to do cartwheels every five minutes right alongside me is driving me batty. He talks to me in his made up-language or is constantly giving me facts about rollercoasters. I just don't want to deal with any of this today but I know I have made the choice and can't back out of it. There are times I just want to run away (Bonnie fantasy) and be free of everything.

Today is one of those days where I'm wondering "WHAT WAS I THINKING?". I am losing my individuality a little more each day.

Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. - Stanley Horowitz

Last week was one hot week for the San Francisco Bay area and beyond! All summer long, we experienced one of the coolest and breeziest summers on record which was a big disappointment for me as I love summer heat. And because of the unseasonably brisk weather, we decided to drain the pool a week ago. Go figure!

On Monday, the local temps hit over 90 degrees. Tuesday, it hit 101, Wednesday it was still 100. Thursday cooled down to about 95 and by Friday, it was down to 80 degrees. All over the Bay Area records were broken.

Like a lot of people living so close to the San Francisco Bay, we don't have air conditioning in our two story house. Downstairs, the thermostat read 85 degrees every day last week. Although we have ceiling fans and regular oscillating fans (ooOOOOoooh!), we baked. I would get up early and prepare the house to keep it as cool as possible through the day. My effort was not obvious, until you stepped outside and felt as if you walked straight into a burning oven. 85 degrees was definitely more tolerable than one might realize.

And as you might imagine, extreme heat is not conducive to learning. No amount of popsicles or iced lemonade drinks rescued us. I had a brilliant idea and decided to see if we could work in the Main library downtown. Upon driving there, we realized that everyone in the city must have been thinking the same thing, because there was not one parking space available in the entire lot! Bummer! So we stopped, got a smoothie and came back home. The dogs were happy to see us return because they too could then escape the torturous heat and come inside.

We worked through our most important subjects in the mornings, took long breaks during the hottest parts of the day and then as the evening began, we'd catch up with the rest. One of the very best assets of homeschooling is that we set our own schedules. Even still, this wasn't one of the easiest weeks to homeschool.

And as I remember the famous quote, "Patience is a Virtue", I am reminded again how important it is to have an abundance of patience during these stressful times. Gratefully, the notorious San Francisco fog once again graciously rolled in from the ocean, over the hills and through the sweltering cities persuading everyone that, no we weren't dreaming, Autumn really did arrive last week.

Just saying.....

I have to believe that I grew up in an era that promoted children's imaginations. Of course this was prior to television cable with a zillion and one channels, fast computers, video games, cell phones and texting, Gameboys, iPods, etc. This was a time when kids played with other kids outside, all day "until the street lights come on". Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, we were almost always out there. Playing with the neighborhood kids was the highlight of my childhood. The parents were on board as well and everyone kept their eyes out for all.

Our mothers would send us outside as soon as we were done breakfast, were dressed and our teeth and hair brushed. Or, because there were no fences in our neighborhood, we'd go out as soon as we'd see another kid out in their backyard. Soon at least a half a dozen kids would be playing together, sometimes as many as fifteen kids consisting of many different age groups. Sometimes we'd play school in our carport, or we'd all be riding bikes up and down the street, playing cops and robbers. The older kids would write plays and the younger ones would act them out. There were times we'd make magic shows and charge the adults pennies to come and watch. And they would come! Sometimes a small group of us would play with our Matchbox cars in a large sandbox. Very often, we'd pull out our beloved baby dolls and doll strollers and play house,which was always my favorite activity. We'd sometimes even take picnic lunches through the woods to the beaver dam or walk "The Bumblebee Trail" with the bigger kids in charge. In the dead of the winter, the kids dragged their sleds and toboggans to the neighborhood hill and we'd be sliding until the sky was pink with the sunset. We'd all look out for each other and if memory serves me right, it seems we all got along pretty well.

Nowadays, I have to pull my son off his computer as he could spend hours creating rollercoasters or watching goofy YouTube videos about a crazy, annoying animated orange! He would watch cartoon after cartoon and then play his Wii games until the cows came home if I didn't object. But I do object, and I do force him out to play. But it's not the same. And he is almost always alone.

Once outside, he'll happily swing on his swing set and I watch him from the kitchen window and gasp as his eyes are closed and he makes himself go all crazy and upside down on it. I can only assume he is pretending to be on a rollercoaster. He'll take his bike out and ride around in circles, again sometimes closing his eyes for short moments and screaming as if he's on an amusement ride. He'll round up the two dogs and try to teach them tricks or grab their leashes and walk them around the back yard. But this all tends to be short-lived. When he would come in, he'd want to head right back to the computer.

Since we've started school, I made a rule that there is to be no TV before and during the school day. There is to be no video game playing and no computer usage (except for supervised studies). At first, he had a hard time adjusting to finding alternate things to do with his free time. What I have noticed recently, is that he has been pulling out his toys from his past. Toys that have rarely been used and long-sinced packed away in his closet, like Lego blocks and Tinker Toys. His Matchbox cars, road & street carpet and toy buildings have come out. I see him playing with his Woody doll and making it do gymnastics. And I hear him talking to himself, immersed in his imagination. He's beginning to choose these activities over the computer games.

This is what childhood should be about. Free play. Why is it so rare to see the neighborhood kids out and playing together these days? In our current society, is it easier for a parent to feel secure that their child is tucked away in the next room, hooked on his video game than it is to worry about his personal safety outside? Has it become too difficult in this busy, stressful world for the parents to find time to supervise the kids outside? Is the world that much more dangerous than it was 40 years ago? Childhood health issues, obesity, cyber bullying, gang activity, teen drug and pregnancy, and childhood depression seems to have sky-rocketed since that bygone era.

If I had one wish, I would turn back the clock for my boy. If only he could experience just one weekend day of what we had as kids. I am convinced he'd leave the Gameboy stashed in his dresser, grab a cookie and run outside to join the gang waiting for him on the front step. That would the one kind of gang I'd be happy for him to join!

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. Bill Watterson

Fridays are our social day. In the mornings, I have a dance class with some very lovely ladies. I laugh the entire time as well as exercise. It's what I look forward to each week. Along with the other kids, Malachy watches whatever cartoon is on in the gym's daycare.

On Friday afternoons, we head over to a local park to meet with the other homeschooling families for a few hours of letting loose. The kids run and play and the moms (and sometimes dads) chat and compare notes. This is usually just after lunch, so the actual time we have for lessons in between the two events is a tiny window. Malachy has a great time with Zoe and Perry, and is making more friends each week.

In order to make both events, our Fridays are very loose. We usually get in the essentials. Yesterday, because I also had to run some errands, we were only able to accomplish his french lesson. It was agreed yesterday that we'd play catch up today (Saturday). Daddy is at an all day bicycle event and we had no prior plans. We talked about it yesterday, we talked about it last night before bed. Everyone was on board.

This morning, we slept in until almost 9:00 (a rarity in the home as we are all up at the crack of dawn each morning, and if we aren't, the dogs will make sure we are). The extra sleep felt so good, I felt so well rested. Upon waking, Malachy was cheery and bright. Breakfast was out on the patio since it is an incredibly beautiful morning. Birds are singing, dogs are NOT barking, bunnies are hopping about....ah, life is good!

The joy de vivre was too short-lived. The boy has decided and is adamant that weekends are NOT for studying and he has refused to do any school work. I countered and reminded him that Fridays ARE for school, so Park Day will be out next week. He looks forward to his Park Day as much as I look forward to my dance class. Some colorful mouthing off to me and he's been sent to his room without the privilege of his TV or computer games. He'll be staying in there until he has a change of attitude, even if it takes all day. And while he's quiet now and the house is once again calm, I realize I've been played.

It reminded me of a time when I was very pregnant for him. Steve and I offered Kelley (a freshman at the time) and Winter (in elementary school) to go see the new Harry Potter movie at the theaters if they promised that when we got back, they'd go rake up a certain section of the back yard. Both were very excited and happily agreed. We left and enjoyed the movie and snacks. Upon our return, neither girl was interested in holding up their end of the bargain. We insisted they do their share. Reluctantly they went out with rakes dragging behind them. One sat on the ground, tossing around leaves, while the other bitched and moaned the entire time and went on about how unfair we were.

I thought I had learned my lesson when it comes to kids and compromises. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

To teach is to learn twice. ~Joseph Joubert, Pensées, 1842

One of my all-time favorite field trips during my elementary school years was a full day-trip to explore Strawberry Banke (http://www.strawberybanke.org) in Portsmouth, NH. This is a quaint, little, working museum of one of the authentic colonies in NH, first known as Puddle Dock. I fondly remember it as a few streets of original, renovated homes, store and museum complete with furnishings. The employees dress in costume of that era. You can walk through the different houses and see how people lived and worked in those days. I was only in fourth grade but I was immediately absorbed by the magic of the history during that time. I walked through the houses just absolutely mesmerized, feeling the energy of the past. I became obsessed with that period in American history for many years.

It was then that it was obvious I had a love for history. Throughout my school years, I thrived in my history lessons. During each period of time, I would try to imagine what it was like to live then. Most of my lessons throughout the years took place in America, just only touching on World History. However, even to learn about the ancient past was exciting to me.

I am finding that one of the most rewarding things about homeschooling Malachy, is that I get to relive the passion I have for history. At this point in his history lessons he is studying the end of the Middle Ages and the beginnings of the Renaissance periods. I love reading about the main characters that shaped the world at that time. I had been familiar with some of the important names of this period, but didn't know much (or had forgotten) about what they actually did or accomplished. The art program is tied into the history, so we learn about the art of this same period as well.

Who knew I'd be getting so much out of "his" history/art programs? If Malachy was learning this in a traditional school setting, I would only be getting fragmented bits and pieces of what he's learning. Because of my interest in this particular curriculum and the fact that I get to study alongside of him, I almost feel guilty, as if I'm getting away with "something"! And that "something" is a richer and deeper education for ME!

Now, on the other hand, I don't think it's any secret that math is another story all together, for me. Right now, third grade math is easy-peasy. Just wait a few more years and maybe I can figure out what went wrong for me, where I originally lost my way in mathematics and perhaps teaching him will teach me again too. At least one can hope......

In A Nutshell.

I thought I might share a brief history of our life since Malachy was born up to the present and how we (his parents) changed our lives to ensure he gets a brighter future. I want to also point out that I don't believe for a minute that our way is the right way for everyone. Everyone has different reasons for the way they raise their kids and I'm a firm believer in "to each their own". In our case, I feel fortunate that we've had (created) the right conditions to make it to where we are right now.

It starts out with Steve and I meeting through my friend Janice. She worked with him and would take me to some of her coworkers' events, like picnics and parties. Steve and I hit it off immediately, although we didn't actually start dating for a few more years. We shared a wicked sense of humor and to this day, we still depend on it to get through the rough spots. I was an Executive Assistant and he was a Network Engineer, both of us working in the heart of the Silicon Valley. I came into the relationship with two teenage daughters, he came into it with one five year old daughter.

Despite the fact that our lives were already so full, we had both agreed prior to marriage, that we would love to have another child. We decided to move closer to Steve's family (my family is on the East Coast) as we were becoming a family ourselves. That move put us about an hour and a half to two hours away from where we were working. Due to this move and because of my pregnancy, the long commute to my job was too much so I resigned. Steve continued working in Palo Alto and had a very hellacious commute, often times taking 2 hours to go one way. At the time Malachy was born, my oldest was going away to Vermont to college and my other daughter, was beginning high school. We had decided that I would stay home with him until he was of walking age and we would have him attend his Aunt's highly regarded preschool that was less than 5 miles away. Shortly before Malachy's birth, Steve's uncle died and his Aunt closed down the preschool a few months later.

Not feeling at all secure about sending him to just "anyone", we decided that I would stay home with him. Since our move a year or so earlier, we had tightened our belts as we got used to living on one income with three kids at home (and a big child support payment to his ex). It wasn't easy. We were living in a very small house. Malachy stayed in our room with us for over a year. When Kristen came to live back home, my two girls shared a room and Steve's daughter had the third bedroom. Steve's "office" was in the garage, surrounded by boxes and toys. Freezing cold in the winter and stifling hot in the summer. Not the ideal working environment for him.

About two years later, we moved close by to a bigger house and life opened up a little more for us. The lady across the street ran a daycare and it gave me the incentive to look for a part time position. I got a job working for an attorney nearby. I worked 4 hours per day, Monday through Friday. Malachy was about two years old at this time. He was shy and we thought it might be good for him to be with other kids on a regular basis. However during that six months, the kid caught every cold and flu that was going around. Every week he was sick, from ear infections to pink eye. Stomach flus to head colds. I'd be the one to have to stay home with him, I did not receive sick pay and yet still had to pay the daycare to hold his spot. We also made many trips to the doctor during that time and filled loads of prescriptions. When it came down to it, the money I was making was only going towards his daycare and sick care. The stress during that time became pretty intense, so I quit my job and kept him home.

Around the age of three, I started teaching him his letters and numbers. He caught on really quick. We made little books with words and pictures and he was able to read them and other simple books before he was four years old. I continued with teaching him (working mostly with age appropriate workbooks purchased at Costco) and he was thriving both socially and intellectually. I had also belonged to a playgroup where he was able to socialize with kids around his age.

Steve was working really hard, putting in many hours at work. Because of the rising gas prices, rising bridge tolls and wear/tear on the car, Steve decided that public transportation to/from work would be the route he needed to go to save money. He started taking BART to San Francisco, through Oakland and then connect with the train to Palo Alto. It was a long and grueling commute for him and he wouldn't get home until 10:00pm each night. If Kelley wasn't home, I would have to put Malachy in the Jeep and drive to the local BART station and sit there in the dark often with my sleeping boy until Daddy would come out. It was really all too much for us and I told Steve that we needed to change things once Malachy was ready to start kindergarten. We knew the choices were either Steve find a new job in the area so we could stay in the East Bay where most of his family resided, or make another major move and be closer to his work. The work scenario won out and so we packed up the house after Kelley graduated from High School and moved back down to the Silicon Valley.

Something as simple as the family having dinner together again made a huge difference to all of us. Steve was close enough to work that he was riding his bike to/from work. I had registered Malachy to attend kindergarten at the neighborhood elementary school that coming September. Kelley went off to college and it was now only the three of us living full time in a big house. Steve's daughter visited for four days every other week.

Malachy's experience in kindergarten was a fair one for him. He met some really great friends as I did too. I shared the Room Mom duties with another mom who ended up being a good friend. The kindergarten teacher was young, unorganized and depended too heavily on the help from the two Room Moms and with any other mom who she could wrangle to volunteer their time. About half way through the year, the teacher started throwing guilt trips on us if we couldn't come in on any certain day. She would scream at the kids whose minds were drifting (only in front the two room moms though). Her classroom was so unorganized and messy. Toys, books and games were piled high to the ceilings. Her desk was complete chaos all the time. There was literally "stuff" all over and it was a wonder any of the kids could concentrate at all. With the jump start Malachy had from teaching him at home, he was pretty bored with the pace of learning. When the teacher would have them color the letter of the week, he would scribble all over the paper as if he was three years old. Thankfully, kindergarten was only a half day. I believe for Malachy, the experience for him in kindergarten was mostly a social lesson.

First grade was pretty good for him as he gained much more self-confidence and at the same time, I was toying with going back to work. There was an opportunity to work part time at his school during the recess and lunch period as a supervisor. I jumped on it. I saw first hand what happens to the children during one of the only slices of the day when they are allowed to talk, laugh, run around and just be themselves. For the most part, most kids were just happy to be free and played with abandon. On the other side of things, I also witnessed the bullying that happens, watched the kids that were excluded stand by themselves along the walls of the school. I saw the shy ones watch the bolder ones play without ever having the courage to ask to join in. I saw the girls in cliques push away the ones that they felt didn't "fit in". There were always kids coming to me so sad that they had no one to play with. Life on the playground. I realized it is very hard for a lot of kids. Malachy had a few close friends (mostly girls) that he played with but for the most part, he didn't participate in any competitive games, sticking with what he could do well (skipping rope, hula-hoop, etc). Funny kid!

Then comes second grade. I already wrote in one of my earliest posts about Malachy's experience in second grade so I won't bore you again with those details. You just need to know that it wasn't a good or enriching school year for him. Along with our decision to homeschool Malachy, I realized I would be giving up a lot of my own personal freedoms. Not many morning coffees with the ladies (if any), no heading to the gym when my body and mind felt up to it, no more quick errands, no more spontaneous shopping sprees (more like, window-shopping sprees). No more doctor/dentist appointments alone. No more silence in my head for hours on end. What I do get is is constantly having to push my boy, constantly trying to be creative, motivated, speak with a happy and not frustrated tone. Always having a little one underfoot. It hasn't been an easy decision but as you can see, since the beginning, we've changed and morphed our lives to help him in whatever way we can possibly accomplish that. At this time in his/our lives, it's me staying home and being completely dedicated to homeschooling him.

Without a second income, I may be stuck driving a 16 year old Jeep. We may not be taking annual vacations to tropical destinations. I may have the same, boring wardrobe I've had for years. Some of my dishes have chips on them. We don't have a flashy, flat screen TV and what the heck is blu-ray anyway? I know what I've given up and I know what I've gained. I'm grateful that my husband can support us with his income and mostly, I'm grateful for his support to do this for our son.

After all, I do believe it was Steve who first asked me if I'd ever want another kid, more than a decade ago........

Progress: –noun 1. a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage: the progress of a student toward a degree.

Two and a half weeks into the school year and we are still working on a routine.

Yesterday, we finished up early to attend Park Day with the teachers and other families of CAVA. Steve and I really enjoyed talking to a few of the teachers. They seemed so upbeat and motivated to help. Malachy did not connect with any other kids (he kept looking for Zoe) but played on the playground equipment by himself. They handed out frisbees with the school logo on it and after a game of frisbee with his dad, we left to come home.

This morning, he was upstairs and I thought he was sleeping. I went to wake him up for breakfast and he's watching a TV show. This is twice this week that he's pretended he was sleeping so he could sneak in a quick show or build a roller-coaster on his computer (both no-no's before and during the school day). He came downstairs, had his breakfast and then gave me a hard time about starting the school day (it was already close to 9:00am). He wanted a break after one quick french lesson. Heck no! Then it was time for spelling and then math. He complained during the entire math lesson and fought with me to complete his math worksheet.

I'm tired today and don't have much patience to deal with him. I realize my commitment and I have no choice but to keep after him, pushing ever forward.

It was shortly after I let him outside for a 15 minute break that I read yet another article that a friend posted on Facebook regarding how California is so broke (70+ days without a budget), schools are cutting back classes just to survive, how we are wasting $Millions on "standardized testing" and ancient out of date text books. Although I've heard it many times before, it's a constant (nagging!) reminder that this decision to homeschool is bigger than me. This is for HIS future. He will have to compete with others worldwide once he gets into the job market. He needs the best education that we can give him.

And so on that note, we continue to inch forward in today's lessons. And I look forward to my yoga class tonight for my own balance.

Like a whirlpool, it never ends.....

So this week has been a bit of a roller-coaster ride for us. It started out strong and upbeat but by Wednesday, we pretty much ended with another melt-down. I was very frustrated with the little effort that Malachy seemed to be putting into it and his refusal to even try certain things. Yesterday (Thursday), I thought of a brilliant idea! I was going to have Steve come home from work, we would eat dinner and then he could teach Malachy one subject. Just for one day. Originally it was going to be science (Steve is an engineer and I thought that this might be not only cool for Malachy, but cool for him as well), however we were missing something we needed for our science project. So, he decided to give History a shot.

I struggled with not interrupting them and having to show Steve that this is how "I" do things, teach, relate to Malachy, etc. I made myself stay in the kitchen and keep out of it. That was really hard for me to do. I continued to clean up the kitchen and just "listen".

In history, Malachy is now beginning a chapter on the Renaissance. Up until now, he was learning directions, mapping, etc and has done very well but this new subject threw him for a loop. He refused to cooperate with Steve. He ran to the sofa, covered his head with the pillow and cried. Obviously, starting something late in the day was a bad idea. Having Steve start out teaching him something for the first time as deep and complicated as the Renaissance was a bad idea. First I consoled Steve and thanked him for his attempt and then I consoled Malachy. I made him read out loud to me the first two chapters of Flat Stanley and called it a night.

Steve got first hand experience of the frustration I've been feeling at times with our decision to home-school. He too wondered if we made the right choice.

But I'm stubborn (and Steve knows that). We are not going to fail at this. I won't let it happen.

In his old school, they use a disciplinary tool called "flipping cards" or "pulling cards". Basically, there are three colored cards; yellow, orange and red X. If the child does not listen, does not follow rules, talks out of turn, whatever it is, they start with the yellow card and go forward through the colors. A red X can mean a call home, a lost recess, extra work - it depended on the teacher.

Steve and I were discussing disciplinary actions in Malachy's home-school day and we decided that we would focus on the good things, NOT the bad things (well, we'd try to anyway). So I went to the store and picked up some colored reward stars. I told Malachy that if we have a school day with no yelling and he gives all his attention and effort to the school day, he would get to put a star on the calendar for that day. Ten stars equal lunch out. He asked if it could be Taco Bell (ugh) and I told him it would be his choice. He had a look of determination that only the lure of junk-food can bring.

Today was a gold star day. We breezed through every subject with no problems, including that first Renaissance lesson. He wrote full sentences in his literature notebook without complaining. He went through two french lessons (he's really enjoying learning french). He aced his spelling test. It's just been a really, good, easy, low-stress type of day.

The only problem now is that we are nine stars away from a lunch date with the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Arrrf-arrrrf!

And we're rolling, rolling, rolling on the river.

Summer vacation 2010 has officially ended. Labor Day weekend has now come and gone. Most children have begun their school year, whether at home or in a traditional setting. And Malachy and I are starting to get our home-schooling groove on.

Today we were all up early, enjoyed a rare and harmonious breakfast before Steve had to cycle off to work. The three of us actually sat together and ate before school/work! In the past, our mornings were filled with so much tension and stress as I would be frantically running around, slapping lunches together, prompting Malachy to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, comb his mop, gather his school supplies, backpack, sweater, jacket........ and then off he'd go with Steve driving to the neighborhood Elementary school. By the time I would hear the Jeep leave the driveway, I felt like my blood pressure would hit the roof. Today was surreal.

As Steve was kissing us goodbye, we were logging onto Malachy's french language program. There was a small hitch in the recording function of the program, but without missing a beat, we went to the kitchen to start with his math (in other words, I didn't freak out!). Using the math tools that CAVA sent us, Malachy was able to breeze through the lesson and I could see he was quite enjoying himself. Malachy is an excellent speller and today's spelling class was easy-peasy for him and we completed two spelling lessons in about the same time as one lesson should take. We then moved onto Language Arts. We enjoyed a nice, lentil soup for lunch that I had on the stove all morning. We had a pleasant conversation while we ate and then he went outside to swing and ran around with the dogs for about half an hour. I tidied up the kitchen, and prepared for our afternoon lessons. We finished a little before the neighborhood school ended their day and yet I felt we covered so much. It truly went remarkably well today. I can see the shape of our lives changing already in this short time.

I think I'm getting it.....

TGIF!

Whew! Friday afternoon is here and the weight of the world is off my shoulders.

Every Friday is park day. Just after lunch, Malachy and I met up with an existing group of homeschoolers in the tri-city area in which we live. I have been friends with one of the moms for a few years and she invited us to join them. They meet up every week (sometimes more), at different community parks and this month's featured park happens to be our neighborhood park. I'd say about six moms (and one dad) were there, but the group consists of about 50 members (and their kids). They also get together for different events throughout the year.

I feel sooooo much better after speaking with the moms (and one dad!) regarding their typical homeschooling day. What I primarily learned is that we are doing too much. I have been frantically trying to follow CAVA's (California Virtual Academy) suggested daily schedule. At the rate we have been going this particular first week of school, our projected end date for this school year is sometime in late April! Hehehe. Some of these moms say they spend an average of three hours a day on the actual curriculum but integrate their everyday life towards their learning program. Okay, so this gives me some breathing room (as I'm sure it does for my boy too!). Time to put the whip away! Hardy-har-har.

Malachy had a great time at the park. One of the girls attending today's park day went to the same gymnastics academy as he. Her name is Zoe and they're the same age. While at the academy, they were both so shy, they barely spoke to each other. However today he went right up to her, said hello and off they went to play the entire time. A bunch of other kids trickled in over the next few hours. I would look over to check on him and there he was, playing with the group, laughing the entire time. I am so proud and happy (and relieved), because this boy typically is painfully shy.

After a difficult first week, with the roller coaster ride of wondering if we made the right choice to homeschool, today's meeting at the park set me straight. This is right for my son. This will work for us. I no longer have a doubt. And I am happy!

:-)

Down, down, down the rabbit hole she fell.

Day three. It sure has been a doozy.

Day two seemed to flow quite easily, although we didn't get to all the lessons as we had an early afternoon meeting with his teacher. We did establish that the office upstairs (with the great, big whiteboard) would be where we conduct his spelling lessons. He has a little table and chair set that is set up in front of the white board. When we do any reading, we sit on a love seat which had been moved in front of a sunny window (shaded with sheer curtains to aid in the distraction factor) just for this reason. We do all workbook pages at the kitchen table and of course, any computer work is done on his new desk set up located in a quiet corner. Everything we need is handy in each area so we're not scrambling around looking for materials. If I had a checkbox next to "Organized", it would be checked.

Please note that the invisible checkbox next to "Student's Attention/behavior" is not checked. Slowly but surely, Malachy's behavior has started on a huge spiral downwards and has been quickly picking up speed. He's always been very headstrong, but mostly we've been able to work with him and get him to understand certain rules. Lately, not so much.

Taking him to meet with his teacher yesterday was an embarrassment to me. I listed my expectations of him before we got there. He said he understood. He would sit quietly. Be polite. Speak loudly enough for her to hear. You know, the typical mom spew......We get to the meeting place, Mrs. Moore is sitting down at a little table already and I introduce us. I sit down and motion for him to sit down on the chair left for him. He told me several times that "he prefers to sit on this little wall behind me". Uh, right! I warned him (several times) that he would not use his Wii if he didn't sit down. He sits down. He proceeds to kick my chair. Leans back. Sighs in boredom. Stands (Yes, I said STANDS!) up on the chair (we are outside a restaurant here...). I was thoroughly embarrassed at his shockingly rude behavior.

Lately, if he doesn't get his way, he yells and screams like a male, silverback gorilla beating his chest trying to intimidate me or his dad. Of course it doesn't work, we just get louder than him and it proceeds to sound like a jungle at home complete with all the animal hoots and hollering and he typically just ends up in his room, punished. As you can imagine, this is not working well.

Day three of homeschooling starts. He got up a half hour early because I told him that since it was supposed to be really hot out, if we started early we could swim later in the afternoon. I initially thought "okay, we're off to a good start". When the time came for him to start working, he argued with me about which chair he would sit on (he doesn't get the computer chair because he's been sitting on it backward, tipping it, or constantly spinning it in circles). He didn't want to do his math, but do some games instead. Today's math lesson with him made a root canal feel like vacation time in comparison. It just seemed to get worse as the morning went on so I took a break and told him that I needed to throw in a load of laundry. He shuts off the computer while I'm in the garage. You could say I was pretty upset when I saw that he did that and warned him that everything that we did today could be lost and we'd have to start all over. And then I tried to get onto the internet and there was no connection. Maybe I have been a little tightly wound myself but I completely lost it at that point. It was my turn to be the gorilla!

I yelled (technically, I roared) and told him that I can no longer do this! I shouted that I'm giving up EVERYTHING to sit with a boy who has been showing very little interest in learning and zero respect for me. I threatened to call the principal and get him registered at the neighborhood elementary school immediately. I told him it would be easier for me to get a job outside of the home, put him in after-school daycare and have him deal with that. I was doing this for him and his education but it seems all in vain. Blah, blah, blah...yell...yell...yell.....finally, it hit him. (Not me, the reality hit him!) I told him to go to his room until I could figure out what to do.

He cried and begged me to reconsider and went up to his room.

He didn't know that I sat at that computer and cried and again wondered if this was a bad decision. I really want this to be a success however, I don't want him to think that just because he is at home with me, he's not going to do any school work or worse, dictate to me how it's going to be or what we will be doing. Of course, that's just not going to happen and he has to have that clear now.

Still, all was now very quiet in the house.

I rebooted the router and it kicked back up. We were online once again, with no loss of the morning's work. I figured he needed some time alone in his room (no computer games/tv) to really consider what I threatened him with, and then I took a shower. I needed some calming down myself and to also consider my threats to him and how far I was ready to take them.

About a half hour later, I called him downstairs and we sat side by side on the love seat and had a clear discussion about my expectations of him and how I don't see him taking this homeschooling business or me seriously. He apologized, swore he will try, and seemed quite contrite. And then I hugged him and he hugged me back.

The energy in the house felt so much better.

The rest of the lessons today went well, with him giving all his attention to what we were working on with sincerity. I'm signing off now as I promised him a dip in the pool this afternoon. I'm also going to recharge my batteries with an intense yoga workout later on.

Although, I have heard, liquor is quicker! KIDDING!

....and the runner is safe at first base!

Oh man. I didn't think we'd get through today.

First of all, due to my anxiety level, I hardly slept at all last night, maybe totaling three hours. I'm a girl who needs her sleep and is in bed most nights, before 10:00pm. I did get up early enough to make everyone a decent breakfast and to motivate Malachy as we got started on our first day of school. We hit the books (computer really) by 8:30.

Secondly, my sinuses have been burning since last Friday. I'm thinking it's allergies as the seasons are changing. I took some allergy medication and that took the edge off although it left me in a fog. As the day progressed, I felt more and more nauseous. I'm pretty sure it's not related to the sinus issue, but mainly out of nerves that have been way out of whack. I felt as if I was hyperventilating as we went through some of his lessons. A part of me knows that this is going to get easier as we press on, but the physical part of me was protesting almost every step of the way.

As Steve was getting ready to leave for work, I noticed we were having issues with the wireless router on our end and no internet connection. I almost had a panic attack but Steve was calm, reset the router and up came the network again. There were no other issues with it, but I wondered how you could get your work done in the event this happened again for a longer period of time knowing that a lot of his studies are online.

Today started with the math assessment testing. He needed to complete that on his own, so I set him up on the computer and tidied up the kitchen, which is right next to the room he was in. He wasn't supposed to ask me any questions or for help (answers) and he didn't. After that test, we went through the Introduction to Online Learning. Then his math workbook and back to another assessment test. We didn't cover all his subjects today, the online French classroom wasn't available and I thought it best that I leave the art, science and history for another day. We did tackle most of the Language Art programs and then he finished the last two assessment tests and we called it a day.

The only time he resisted me at all, was when he was adamant he did NOT want meatloaf for lunch! Other than that, he was a really good trooper. He did complain of a headache throughout most of the day and I gave him some children's Advil for that. But the headache is still there even an hour after he finished his school day. I hesitate to connect it to the computer usage today, as he is on a computer a lot every day. But I am going to make an appointment for an eye test anyway. I sent him outside and he rode his bike out back for a while and then came in saying that driving over the bumps in the back yard were worsening his headache. He's inside right now, enjoying a popsicle as I update this blog.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with his teacher, Mrs. Moore. We have had some correspondence via email and she's been very helpful and encouraging. I look forward to this meeting.

It's been a difficult day for me, probably an 8 on a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being the worst. I still wrestle with thoughts that this is too big for me and worry that he'll fall behind what he is normally capable of accomplishing. And then I read other blogs and see that this is all normal in the beginning. I am honestly looking forward to tomorrow as an easier day.

Breathe.......

Here we go!

Today is the last day of my boy's summer vacation. In reality, it's all of our last days as everyone goes back to their normal roles tomorrow morning. I always seem to be filled with a melancholy mood at the very end of summer and this goes back to my own school years. This year, although not as pronounced as in the past, holds true as well. Looking back over the past three months, we did more this summer than any summer since Malachy's birth. We traveled to the east coast and went camping a few times. We went for day rides and met some friends. We enjoyed time with extended family. Malachy enjoyed three adventurous days at his all-time favorite activity; riding roller coasters at amusement parks. It's been a good, full summer and we are now focusing on the upcoming school year. My role this year is completely different from any one I've held in my past 40 something (ahem) years. I'm going to be Malachy's third grade teacher (well, technically "learning coach"). And I am filled with mixed emotions like you'd never believe!

Everything is all set to go. School books & guides have found a bookshelf and are organized. Desk is supplied with pencils, rulers, tape, stapler, glue, printing paper, construction paper, art supplies and math tools. We've navigated through the online school several times to prepare ourselves for the actual courses. I've looked over the guide books and know my son will have a good year academically. Why am I still having these nagging. self-doubting thoughts? In the past, whenever I have set my mind to something, it has usually worked out well. I know that about myself.

I imagine it's the sheer importance of it all that gives me butterflies. I do realize and appreciate that I have the best, supportive husband in this case. He has patted me on the back through all the little steps we've gone through to get here. I know my son is looking forward to this school year as he told me just the other day he is excited to begin (but didn't want to look at anything early, as if it was cheating).

Perhaps it's not self-doubt, but only pre-game jitters. After all, this is the big leagues and we're in it to win.

Wish us luck!

One Bad Apple......

So today we received the local elementary school calendar and the Back to School flyer. This is the school Malachy attended from kindergarten through second grade and would be going to if we weren't going to homeschool him.

As I was reading the Welcome Back flyer, it triggered a memory of when I was about my son's age.

When I was in first grade, I often saw one of the second grade teachers, Mrs. Roaklin, and thought she was the most beautiful teacher in the school, if not the entire world. She always had perfectly styled blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a smile that shined from ear to ear when I would say hello to her. She looked like a Barbie doll and dressed like one too. Over the summer, I remember wishing and praying that I would get Mrs. Roaklin as my second grade teacher. At the start of that school year, I received my class assignment and realized my wish came true. I was in Mrs. Roaklin's class! I was ecstatic! It wasn't very long before my happy world turned upside down as it was quickly understood that Mrs. Roaklin was a strict, no-nonsense type of teacher. And she didn't put up with anything. There was zero tolerance for talking, for not paying attention, for not completing homework, for not following directions, for laughing.....God help you if she caught you chewing gum or candy. She ran her class like a miniature boot camp, most of the kids paid attention out of an extreme fear. It was there while in second grade that I formally met our principal, Mr. Conte. I had many "meetings" with the principal throughout my elementary school years. Needless to say, I did not particularly care for school until I changed schools and my trouble-making reputation stayed behind.

Fast forward to a year ago: Malachy was entering second grade. During the summer, all he talked about was how he wished he did NOT get Mr. M. Mr. M is one of the few male teachers at the elementary school. He had recess duty throughout the year and his booming voice would carry across the black top. He is also a no-nonsense teacher and a lot of the children are afraid of him. Malachy was afraid of him. If anyone asked Malachy if he was looking forward to second grade, he would just tell them he hoped he did not get Mr. M.

A few days before school started, we went to see the class assignments that were posted in the office window. Lo and behold, Malachy was assigned to Mr. M's class. Maybe it was selfish of us, but at first we thought that the situation was a wee bit comical. Both Steve and I had believed that there is nothing wrong with a little strictness by a teacher. It was obvious, I had forgotten my ordeal with Mrs. Roaklin. This was not even a little bit funny for my son. Mr. M was more than just "a little strict". He was uptight, edgy and overbearing. The last half of Malachy's school year was filled with anticipation every day, as either I or Steve would drop him off at school. Malachy complained of stomach aches and headaches. At the end of the year, I too, felt his dread of going to school and wished there was some way I could save him from his nightmare. In the end, it turned out that I couldn't save him then and perhaps it was meant to be as it was one of the main factors in our decision to homeschool.

With the upcoming school year just a week and a half away, I'm pretty confident he is looking forward to this school year with optimism. Not one negative word has rolled off his tongue about school and/or third grade at all over the summer. Perhaps it's his belief that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. :-D We shall see.......

What was I thinking??

What were WE thinking?

Back in June, when both Steve and I were starting to get really disgusted with the current way California keeps cutting education in the budget, the thought of homeschooling would drift into our thoughts and discussions about our bright, soon to be, third grade son. Neither of us had any previous experience with it. In the past, the idea of the stereotypical home-schooled, socially awkward child would have made us go running in the opposite direction. Screaming even! The current lack of funding has our school district dropping their dedicated PE, science, art, music and library teachers. They had decided that shaving 5 days off the school calendar would save a lot of money. The teachers are expected to increase their class sizes from 20:1 to 30:1. There will be an increase of teachers' furlough days by at least double the amount there are now. Where is the teacher's incentive to teach these kids? The frustration would be obvious and all at the expense of our kids.

Our boy was also having issues with his overly-strict, second grade teacher who increasingly made my boy "the example" in class. In the last half of the year, he began hating school. Some of his fellow students knew he was an easy target and would purposely tattle on him for any and every reason and then of course, leading him into more trouble. He was constantly "flipping cards" (a disciplinary action where they lose privileges, including recess). On the third to last day of school, I witnessed him getting yelled at after recess while waiting in line to go to class. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot watching all the kids jumping, laughing - excited school was to be out soon. I was smiling to myself as I remembered how exciting the last days before summer vacation were to me. I saw many kids throw their lunch boxes in the air, while some were running around. I could see my son standing in line, chatting with a student in front of him. His teacher headed right up to him and I could see that he was waving his finger at him while speaking to him. As I got out of the car to walk over to the line, the teacher took his class away. I watched as my boy followed in line with his head hung low, his shoulders slumped. My heart was crushed. I decided that this was going to be his last day of school for this year.

Minutes later, as school was dismissed and Malachy got into the car, I asked him what happened while he was in line. He told me he got yelled at for talking in line. I told him that I wasn't happy with that. I saw most, if not all the kids were talking. I confided in him that this could be his last day of school if he wanted. He pleaded with me to go on the scheduled last day so he could bring home the Father's Day gift he made for daddy. He missed the next day of school, but attended the last day and brought home the gift.

As summer began, I started openly speaking with a few friends about homeschooling. I spoke to some who had been homeschooling their kids and some who just had an opinion. The idea of homeschooling rapidly started becoming more than just a fantasy to us. Research was easy, there are quite a few options in California. My daughter Kristen, forwarded me information on K12. com. I met with a group of homeschooling moms at a local park, one who also went through K12.com system. Before I left in early July on vacation, we made a decision that we would homeschool through the K12.com program and started the procedure of enrolling him with CAVA (California Virtual Academy).

Malachy and I went to visit Kristen and her kids in North Carolina for a few weeks. When we returned home, we went with daddy and the dogs camping for another week. For obvious reasons, I was avoiding the thought of homeschooling. It seemed incredibly overwhelming, to say the least. I pushed it out of my mind.

And then two very large boxes of curriculum came in one afternoon in early August. It took me almost a full week to open them up. When I finally saw the materials, I felt tears and was choked up. I couldn't believe what we were receiving along with the expected Teacher's Guides and workbooks. The science kit, the art kit with all the paints and brushes, the math kits, it was like Christmas! How can this all be free? And then the computer came with the brand new monitor and printer/scanner. Although the hardware is loaned to us while he is enrolled, everything is brand new and fully supported. He will also learn the French language online. I went through all the teachers guides and made a list of supplies we would need. I put together a class schedule, one that would also balance my need to continue going to the gym a few times a week. Slowly but surely, I was starting to get my groove with the whole homeschooling responsibility.

And then it happened. Amidst all my excitement and joy for the upcoming school year, the boy threw a tantrum today. One big, bad, slam-the-doors-while-screaming-at-me-at-the-top-of-his-lungs, tantrum. All because he didn't want to go to the gym's daycare while I take my regular 1 hour, yoga class. You see, this was part of the agreement we made with him. I HAD to have my few weekly classes at the gym and he HAD to attend the daycare there if he was going to be home-schooled. I had recently upgraded my membership to include the child care. If I don't go to my few classes, I will be with this boy, 24/7 and that's not an easy thought. And I'm not about to give up what little I can get for my own peace of mind and exercise. We're talking 3 hours a week of Bonnie-time, folks!

In the end, I lucked out today. Tomorrow, daddy is taking the three kids to Six Flags/Discovery Kingdom. Threatened with not going, he had calmed down and realized that I WILL be going to my yoga class this afternoon. But what about next time? What will be his currency? Threatening him that he'll be back in public school? Somehow I think it's not going to be as cut and dry as I was hoping it would be with him.

After all, he's still a kid.