In early January of this year, the company Steve worked for was sold to a company headquartered in the Midwest. At first it seemed wonderful because Steve got a bonus which is something his old company never (did I mention never?) gave out. We were able to buy a new SUV that was large enough for the family and for the dogs (all together even!). We sold one of the older vehicles and Steve took over my ancient, but reliable Jeep. We were able to upgrade some household items that were long overdue to change. Life began to feel a little less stressful as the financial woes lessened for us.
Two weeks after his bonus came in he called me from work. He told me he had good news and bad news. Immediately, I figured what was going on and my heart sank for him. His position and a few other's were eliminated. He received a few months severance pay to lighten the blow. For several days, he was alarmingly numb, although considering he had been working there for 11 1/2 years, one might expect that reaction. On the other hand, he had felt that his time was coming to an end at that company, as he had been feeling bored and restless for some time and was considering other options. However unhappy he was there, there was a certain comfort zone that made it difficult to leave in the current economy and so he never really left the security of his current job.
So, there's the boot! Get out and go find your happiness!
In the meantime, I have struggled with the realization that this could mean that I would need to find a job to help out financially in which case, Malachy could no longer be homeschooled. This has been heavy on my mind and in my heart as I know he really prefers the learning environment that he is enrolled in versus his previous neighborhood school system. And both Steve and I, feel the same way. We KNOW the level of education he is getting now, working one on one with him. We wholeheartedly believe in the quality of the CAVA (California Virtual Academy) curriculum and see how much he is absorbing and how fast he is moving forward. I don't like the politics of the neighborhood school and the district. I don't like the idea of having 30 kids to 1 teacher. I don't like the fact that I wouldn't have the same active role in his education as I do now. I like our flexible schedule. No, that's wrong. I LOVE our flexible schedule. He is enrolled in a twice-weekly PE class in the middle of the day where he is learning team sportsmanship, individual achievement, and just plain non-competitive fun. I have had many struggles getting to this point in our homeschooling and they are just starting to iron themselves out. Although we are very flexible in our day to day schoolwork, there is always a level of expectation from myself and from Malachy. By the end of the day, we've gotten our work done. We are always moving forward.
So for the past four or five weeks, this has been my deepest fear for my son and for us. However, I am always the optimist and have tried to focus (manifest) on certain desires regarding the upcoming changes:
Steve is a brilliant man with strong engineering skills, both in software and hardware (no this isn't a pitch for a job for him...heheh). He was a computer geek before most people knew what a personal computer was. I don't have a doubt that he'll soon find a position where he will be an asset to whichever company he joins. In my selfishness, I am hoping (and praying) that he'll find something closer to the area in Northern California where we had fantasized in the past about moving to at some point in the future. At this very moment in our lives, we really aren't tethered to the San Francisco Bay Area anymore. Although the location is only a few short hours away if we want to visit. I'd be able to be back in the countryside where I belong (if Mama ain't happy.....). The brightest note in all of this is that Malachy could continue with CAVA from anywhere in the northern part of the state and not miss a beat if we do move.
The uncertainty is the hardest part for me to deal with. Not knowing. Unaware of my next step, I'm a planner and I am not so spontaneous as I once was. This is where my personal faith comes in.
But truly, what keeps this all in perspective for me, is the comparison of my personal dilemma in life versus the upheaval for the people who live in Japan. Those whose lives have altered in the recent earthquake/tsunami/nuclear melt down. My issues are but miniscule. My heart goes out to their struggles.
